Too much sleep is never enough…
EL and I went to dinner at this out-of-the-way TexMex place with Ted and Jenny one time a long time ago. The food wasn't that great, but we had a nice time with them. It was the only time I'd been there in the years I lived in Houston. Tonight, Ted's father wanted to have dinner at that same place for Ted's birthday (which was yesterday). I met up with the group consisting of Ted and Jenny, Jenny's best friend, Miranda, Ted's parents, sister and her boyfriend, and mystery someone that I assume was a niece or cousin. Despite it being the middle of December, the night air was perfect for patio dining without a jacket. I love Ted's parents... they are just fantastic people. The food and service was much, much better than I remembered it from all that time ago. Overall, it was a nice evening. I'm home now. I'm tired, lonely, and sad... but full of some tasty Mexican food. As the days pass between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I can only assume it is on a subliminal level that my suffering is intensified because I find myself unable to control my emotions. I will start crying without provocation several times throughout the day in the most inconvenient places. Life, as wondrous and beautiful as it can be, is anything but that to me at the moment. I'm happy and excited that my mother and sister are coming to see me on Sunday evening. I think they are staying a couple of days, but I'm not sure. I don't have a plan for the Christmas holiday and won't likely drive down to spend it with my family. I'm off to bed. There is no benefit to being awake longer than necessary.
The holidays have to be a hard time for those that have lost loved ones. Days filled with parties and gift giving. I’m sure I’d probably resent some of the holiday cheer being spread by thoughtful individuals trying to keep my mind off of the loss. It has to be hard to hang out or watch “couples” doing their thing. Ugh.
I hope your holidays with your friends and family are able to fill some of the void. You seem to have a great network of people around you, keeping you from sitting home alone. It’s probably one of the best gifts you could get this holiday season. Hopefully 2007 brings you happier days.
My thoughts are with you Clayton.
I’m hoping that your gift will be that somehow memories won’t trigger so much pain but will instead just remind you of how lucky you are to have had so much happiness in your life, regardless of how short the time was.
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