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Today's Stock Market Report: Helium was up; Feathers were down; Paper was stationary; Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading; Knives were up sharply; Cows steered into a bull market; Pencils lost a few points; Hiking equipment was trailing; Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline; Weights were up in heavy trading; Light switches were off; Mining equipment hit rock bottom; Diapers remain unchanged; Shipping lines stayed at an even keel; The market for raisins dried up; Coca Cola fizzled; Caterpillar stock inched up a bit; Sun peaked at midday; Balloon prices were inflated; and, Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.