The little things are everywhere…
My previous post was obviously a knee jerk and a little panicky, but valid in underlying concept. It will be a problem and I will have to deal with it. I'm certain that I'll get it figured out in time. As part of this gradual transition that may or may not happen, there is a more immediate need that has already been realized. I am inheriting an account out of state that will require attention (read: travel). I have to go there in the next week or so to meet the folks I'll be supporting, learn their needs, evaluate, suggest, etc. I booked my travel this morning and there is was... my wife's name and contact information in the travel system under my emergency contact section. I don't know why it affected me so intensely. I should expect things like that to come up from time to time. I just want to go home and sleep.
It’s unfortunate but I fear it will be some time before you reach a place of at least equillibrium with the reminders you surround yourself with. To cull these things and put them out of casual sight isn’t what you want to do, and in fact, you seek them out and explore your pain daily. Of course having it all there is torturous. It’s a Catch-22 that can’t be fully understood or grappled with by anyone but you of course.
Perhaps Henry can become a “travel dog”?
The little things are what will continue to get you for years to come unfortunately. I was reading this lady’s story about how, a year after her husband’s death, she was filling out some paperwork and it asked her marital status. She broke down, having trouble putting down “single” instead of married for the first time in decades.
I think it’s stuff like that that will continue to catch you off guard.
I saw you looking ahead in that last post, knee-jerk or not.
That, pally, is progress. You thought beyond the moment, even if it was just a practical something. You will find yourself (before you know it, likely, and it will startle, unnerve and mildly depress you) looking ahead to pleasurable happenings eventually.
You’re doing pretty damned well by my vote.
You’re entitled to panic a little.
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