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So I focused all my effort on getting the strength to not become a bump on a log at the bottom of the sea like so many nights of recent. I took my mother to see the Asylum Street Spankers. They performed at a venue to which I'd never been much less heard of... Super Happy Funland. Once the spot was discovered, it turned out to be a old house with a den of inequity sort of lair in the back covered in old theater seating, quilts and pillows on the floor, and ripped out bench car seats. The walls of every room were covered from head to toe in art... every sort of artistic expression from painting, drawings, poetry, and sculpture on scraps of paper and bits of this or that all the way up to murals and extremely busy chalkboards. It was different is a super happy hip sort of way... the trip without the acid or all the flavor without the meal. All alcohol in the place was free, but they accept "donations". I thought it a clever way to get around a liquor license however, I doubt ignorance would stand up in court. The cool thing about that scenario (that I didn't know until already there) is that you can bring your own beer, wine, liquor, etc. as if you were just headed to a buddy's bar-b-que. A note to self was made for future reference. It was a great show... really entertaining as they always seem to be. I was glad my mother got to check it out. My good buddy Keith met us there... which was an added special treat for me since I rarely get to see him these days. Keith and I have that relationships that in not temporally dependant. We can not see each other for months or years and when we get together it's like we hung out yesterday. I can think of a couple of people in my life that share that with me, but unfortunately, they too are seen so infrequently these days. I can't understand how I allow it to happen if not for laziness or stupidity on my part. I certainly have the means. A decision is all that is needed. But isn't like most things in our life? Better interpersonal relationships with friends and family... performance at work... our faith and service to God... it all really comes down to a decision to act on what we know needs to be done. It's food for thought.

my wife

"Prayer is the vital breath of a Christian." - EL I tried my best to sleep in today. My mother, bless her heart, tried her best to preoccupy my little boy all morning and keep the noise in the house down. A stray cat or a squirrel outside the window may as well be an atomic test bed. I sipped my coffee and combed through the jumble of emotions I feel each day. I broke down and cried on the floor of my bathroom and sat in her closet for a little while before showering and facing the public. I don't think my mom really noticed other than some overly bloodshot eyes. I seem to be surviving. We went to church after lunch. It's a splendid side effect of the misfortune of not having our own building of worship. We borrow space from others in times when available... hence the late service. It is conducive to sleeping in on what would otherwise be a "get up and go to church" day. After a terrific service (as they all are imho), we drove home and had lunch before gathering the little Yorkmeister and heading to Nancy's for tea. She is the lady that hosted the planting of a tree in EL's memory for the ladies EL knew from the women's center during her volunteering. Nancy had just recently received a little girl Yorkshire Terrier from her daughter as a birthday gift. Henry was a perfect gentleman. Now home, I am trying to relax a bit and not focus on things that hurt so immensely. A cold beer and comfy clothes in our quiet house. I want oh so badly to be snuggled on the couch with EL... playing with her hair and telling her how much I love her like I used to all the time. One more day goes by and nothing seems any clearer. One more day goes by and the pain is still strong and relentless. One more day goes by without her.

"He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in Eternity's sunrise." - William Blake