If this is a dream I'm happy you're having it with me
I will stay and savor the way you move me
Don't want to miss one detail, one sweet smile from your lips
One kiss sets me adrift...
Chase the stars as they fall down and light up where you are
They are yours for the keeping
Trace the curves of the sheets
A riddle of desire when I watch you sleeping
Pressed against the sky, eyes wide open...
The Peanut himself... surveying his land. |
Floating and waiting. Drifting amidst the spaces we find when something moves somewhere else... not out of the way, but just away. Anamnesis, like the seconds after a tender kiss when you can still feel the lips that have parted, becomes a way of life. All of the things becoming evident that were so hidden - in plain sight - before my blind eyes only beginning to be filled with wonder. Fixated on the reality of my perception. I question, "could I have been more ignorant?" There is growth in humility and I could not possibly be alive and be more humble than I have become in this moment. When the Etch-a-Sketch of one's life, so carefully twisted and turned, is shaken clean... and the blood, sweat, and tears of personal evolution are visible on the wind like lenticular moisture from a windy summit... the tears remain as a reminder of where you've been and they effectively blur sight of the path ahead. I'm ok with my Band-aid on a bullet hole. Clarity is a rarity for sure in my daily routine, but I'm thankful for the moments I think I'm piecing together the vignettes even if they never form the opus. There is no under, over, or around... only through. Take God out of the box you've placed him in...
Wine and lots of time alone to think is not as pleasant as it used to be, but I have a lot of coupons for introspection these days. I'm a bargain shopper. The expiration date is smudged and I don't want to miss the good deals with procrastination. I received an unsolicited email (a.k.a. SPAM) urging a Google game where you put your name in quotes with the phrase starter "needs" and search for what Google seems to think you need... exempli gratia "Clayton needs" *click* My number one result was "Clayton needs it." I have a lot of potential candidates for what "it" is, but I'm still working on deciphering the cryptic conundrum "it" presents. Wings made of needles... pinned to the ground.
The snippety-snap was from this afternoon. Henry and I went outside to soak in a little seasonal humidity. The grass is uncomfortably tall for him at the moment, but the recent rains have given it a leg up in its race with the lawn men. My day was a swirl of passing time and it's late. I'm looking forward to sleep. I hope there will be dreams of comfort and peace.
Damn, I love that song.
And I’m ripping that photo of little man, because it is too perfect and captures the larger-than-life image with which you describe him.
Clayton,
Been reading for awhile, but didn’t really know what I wanted to say. Today I do, though forgive me if this is a little to public of a forum to say it in.
1. I saw how EL was with you. You could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. I couldn’t believe for a nanosecond that you didn’t make her happy-- just...does not compute.
2. Consider (god forbid) that the shoe was on the other foot? What would be the one thought you would have wanted EL to have? No doubt just to know how happy she made you, and how blessed you were to have met her when you did.
3. The guilt you feel is a bit of poison you’d like to give yourself to drink. Doesn’t help much, I know, but recognize it for what it is.
Do what EL would have wanted, carry your memories of her forward into what should still be a spectacular life… God Bless.
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