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Prescription vibrators? Aphrodisiac nasal spray? Vibrating office supplies? What rock have I been living under?

My afternoon has reached its low point. As cliché as it is, the right hand of my department truly doesn't know what the left hand is doing... and I am just the dick in the middle that has to fuck with both hands (no pun intended). I have spent the better part of my afternoon working on a problem that was aggravated by a team of people half way across the country working the same problem. The issue lies in it being their problem to begin with and I was only working on because there is this little knee jerk reaction that happens when executive staff snap their fingers. I little ripple of perceived urgency flows down hill until it puddles outside my office. I am going to the bathroom and ritualistically washing my hands of this clusterfuck and going outside to get some sun... and maybe jump into moving traffic.