this page intentionally left blank

Doo be do be doo. I watched Kingdom of Heaven last night. Great movie. The weekend weather was fantastic, but I didn't really spend much time enjoying it. Mild evenings on the patio near the chiminea with the birds singing perched in the wind kissed limbs of my backyard trees just bring back wonderful memories of times with EL that pierce my heart like a dagger. Avoidance is self defense. I went to the grocery for the first time in over a month yesterday afternoon. Memories of selecting fresh produce and all the foods she loved were just as poignant. If I were not cooking for some friends that were coming over for the movie, I wouldn't have gone at all. I would keep dining out or not eating at all. I would carry on my weekly Diet Coke runs to the gas station cornering our neighborhood. I marinated fresh chicken breast in an apricot balsamic with some chardonnay, then grilled them out back on the hibachi my mother gave us a couple of summers ago. I baked some three cheese tortellini with parmesan cheese and made a garlic couscous with pecans. I don't care for sweets (I'm a spicy guy), but I was pretty sure my movie guests were fond of deserts and I had none. I was unsure if I would have time to bake, but managed to pull it off with possible the best homemade cherry walnut fudge brownies I've ever prepared. I like to cook, but never do for myself. EL was a fantastic cook and we would try new things together. She has some terrific recipes that I've not been strong enough to look at since her death, but I know they are there in her notes. Movie night was nice. I wasn't alone and was able to feed my friends and provide some entertainment. I wouldn't make such a fuss over simply watching a movie at home, but do to my holiday impulse shopping, it is now something I enjoy very much. The difference between watching a movie from a VHS tape or DVD on my old 19" Trinitron with the tiny built-in speaker and watching a movie from a BluRay DVD on a 46" LCD 1080p flatpanel in full HD resolution with a surround system is quite astonishing. I would rather wait for a movie to be released to watch at home than go to a cinema at this point. I need to get out more. I need to socialize. I haven't been to the symphony in months. There are some new touring exhibits in the museum district that I will like miss. I rarely set foot in the field for nature photography and it's associated spiritual healing. I simply exist. Work. Sleep. It is tiring. I'm flying to Louisiana tomorrow for a day trip. I have a large account there that needs a half day of my time. My mother is coming to pet-sit. Henry will be so excited this evening when grandma shows up! As-Salaam-Alaikum