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I received a phone call from someone in Indiana last night chastising me for my recent "write more, post less crap" decision. All I have to say to that individual (who will remain nameless) is: I can't believe the fucking Colts beat the Vikings. Bitch.

I am vaguely ill. Yesterday was spotted with slight dizziness and a thick head... not like those found on poorly poured Guinness, but like those found in allergy bogged sinus troubled people. I don't have any known allergies, so I must be getting a head cold or something of the like. I woke up this morning with a neck ache, head ache, back ache, and that same waterlogged density in my brain that was there yesterday plus the added benefit of a scratchy and irritated throat. I am positive it had nothing to do with the beer imbibed at Molly Maguire's last night after Pei Wei. I mean... after all, "beer ain't drinkin'". I received an email from yet another tech support "escalation" person whose name I can't pronounce because my Punjabi is rusty. It said nothing more that "this problem has been resolved". There was no explanation... no "oooh we screwed up and fixed our mistake"... no "the problem was X and we did Y"... nada. Assholes. Anyhoo, I'm happy that it's fixed and I now have the task of rebuilding the site. Joy. It shouldn't take more than a few days... me thinks. I'm off to see how many Mai's bar-b-que pork spring rolls I can stuff in my face over the period of an hour. Hooty hoo!

Rocky (over 600 pounds)

Panthera tigris altaica - MAMMAL - Order Carnivora Description Largest of the living felids. Length: 8-10 feet. Weight: 500-700 pounds, males larger. Record weight 845 pounds. Coat: long, thick, yellowish. Reddish in summer, without red in winter. Belly white extends onto flanks; tail white and black. Ears black with white spots outside, white within. Range Formerly Korea, China, and east coast of Russia to the edge of Siberia; currently probably extinct in Korea, and nearly extinct in China. The last viable population of wild Amur tigers survive in a region of Russia known as Ussuriland, along the Sikhote-Alin mountain range, which is in the Amur River drainage. Status This species is listed as endangered, and commercial trade of this species is prohibited by international law. Since dissolution of the Soviet Union, poaching has increased dramatically. To attract foreign investment, Russia has begun selling its old-growth forest logging rights, and Amur tigers’ large home range makes them especially vulnerable to habitat loss from logging. Lincoln Park Zoo participates in the Amur Tiger Species Survival Plan. Habitat Mixed deciduous and coniferous forests in mountain areas. Niche Carnivorous: will eat whatever it can catch, but wild boar make up more than half its diet. Other prey includes Sika deer and elk. Solitary ambush hunters, this species uses the dense cover of forest growth, tracking prey through the deep snow. Tigers have been spotted prowling coastal beaches when deep snow forces hungry elk to feed on ocean kelp. Territorial, requiring a large home range: 500-620 square miles. Life History Mating usually restricted to winter months. Gestation about 3.5 months, 3-4 cubs weighing about 2.2 pounds each are born blind, follow female after about 8 weeks, hunt independently by about 18 months, disperse at 2-2.5 years, mature at 3-4 years. Life span about 15 years, longer in captivity. Special Adaptations• Striped coat disrupts outline of body in dense cover. • Massive build with heavily muscled forelimbs and shoulders add strength for capturing large prey. • Hindlimbs longer than forelimbs to facilitate jumping. • Paws equipped with long, retractile claws to help grab and hold prey. • Loose belly skin permits the animal to be kicked by prey with less chance of injury. • Eyes in front allow for depth perception and ability to isolate and efficiently capture prey. • Rough tongue designed to peel skin of prey animal away and rasp flesh away from bone.

Sugar

Panthera leo krugeri - MAMMAL - Order Carnivora Description Male has thick mane around the head that extends down the chest between the forelegs; broader and heavier than the lioness. Maximum weight: 500 pounds. Females lack mane. Color is primarily tawny. Tuft at the end of tail. Cubs are covered with dark spots, which they lose in about a year. Range Southern Sahara to southern Africa, excluding Congo rain forest belt. Habitat Grasslands and open woodland. Niche Carnivorous: when hunting in a pride they eat large mammals like zebras. During drought, the pride splits up and individuals eat smaller mammals because they are easier to catch. A pride can have as few as 3-4 individuals or as many as a few dozen individuals. Ruler of pride is a male who often has support of 1 or 2 male cohorts. Females and their young make up most of the pride. Young males are usually expelled from pride by age 3. Young bachelors, in groups of 2-3, will periodically try to take over a reigning monarch. Once a monarch is beaten, it leaves the pride (if still alive). Life History Males mate with several females during the same period, so more than one mother has young of the same age. This lets some mothers hunt while others stay in charge of cubs. Lionesses mature at 4 years. Cubs are raised in a “nursery area” shielded from bad weather and from hyenas or leopards. After a 3.5-month gestation, 2-4 cubs are born. Cubs begin an all-meat diet at 4 months. By 6 months they begin to participate in hunts. Cubs usually will not kill by themselves till they are over 1 year old. Special Adaptations • Thick mane helps male look bigger and protects the throat. • Tawny coat color camouflages animal and young among scrub vegetation. • Eyes in front allow for depth perception and ability to judge distances when stalking or ambushing prey. • Heavily muscled forelimbs and shoulders add strength for capturing large prey. • Forepaws equipped with long, retractile claws which help to grab and hold prey. • Rough tongue designed to peel skin of prey animal away from flesh, and flesh from bone. • Resonating roar used to warn intruders of territorial boundaries and to communicate with other members of the group occupying the same area. • Loose belly skin allows animal to be kicked by prey with little chance of injury