I guess you can’t wear white anymore, eh?
This weekend has gone by sooooo quickly. An old friend of mine flew in from Indiana this weekend. We actually met in boot camp back in 1991 and I’d not seen him in over 4 years (since the wedding). I felt a bit of a killjoy compared to usual since I still wasn’t at 100% from a week of being near hospitalization. Despite my being weak and more tired than usual, I think he had a good time while here. As always, the visit was filled with good food and drink. Last night was especially fun with the exception of a small moment of psychosis, but in the end we all had a fantastic time. I have a dear friend with relationship issues and the lack of will or facility to work through them and it kills me to witness. His girlfriend, who otherwise is a very nice girl that I like, is so completely self centered and controlling that she doesn’t even realize she has a problem. The worst part of it all is that all of the people in her life see and acknowledge the problem, but are too scared to deal with her tantrums when she doesn’t get her way or when she hears something she doesn’t like to actually do the right thing, as good friends should, and talk to her about it. So they just turn the other cheek because it’s easier to ignore it than deal with it. I guess I’m going to be the prick until either I’m banned from their social circle or someone besides me points out to her that she has a legitimate personality issue that needs some professional unbias assistance. Therapy or similar psychological counseling would be ideal, but a good start would just be having her close and trusted friends stop being pussies and unveil her for the controlling princess that she is. She would eventually be happier and everyone in her life would be happier as a result. Instead, she will unintentionally continue to make those around her miserable and her marriage (assuming all continues on track) will most unfortunately and inevitably fail. That is a pretty serious thing to say, but I know you can’t build a lasting relationship on one sided control/dominance and fighting more often than not. Something has to change and the first step is admiting there is a problem to work on… I am learning the hard way that I’m not the guy that should raise his hand and say, “hey, there is a fucking problem here and you need to work on it”. I’ll say a prayer for ‘em… specifically her. Not much else to do but watch the misery and denial.
Dad, Ed, and me (photo by Sandy)
My dad has a couple of tanks on his property. This particular one is spring fed, so the water is rich in minerals and oxygen. We spent one of the mornings out there harvesting moss from the rock bottom on the pond and hauling it into this skiff to remove it from the pond. The water, although you can’t tell here, is crystal clear… what a great swimmin’ hole!
I bought myself a Slingbox today. OMG I love it. I can watch my television from anywhere in the world (via the Internet) and even control my DVR and playback movies, etc. The coolest feature so far, is the ability to watch streaming media from my house to my cell phone anywhere. I can even change channels on my cell phone to drive my cable box at home to the program I want to watch. Too cool for school. I know it’s not new tech, but I never bought one so it’s new to me. I can’t tell you how much I dig it!
Do you know my sister? LOL This girl sounds JUST like her, and you’re right about someone needing to tell her. My sister can be so rude and awful to people and then snap when you say the littlest thing. We didn’t talk for years because of it. My brother and parents think its easier to just go along with her, but we’re all slowly working on it.
Do your friend a favor. I know some people will say “stay out of it” but someone HAS to.
Intervention! That thought is amusing to me being that this concerns a personality issue (not that I put a lot of faith into interventions, but I would love to be a fly on the wall...not there, mind you...just a fly...webcam! :) If it would make everyone’s life happier including hers, then why not? If the phrase “We/I had such a great time after she left” or “Just give in to her before she makes our lives hell” comes up frequently, then something needs adjusting and I have the feeling it isn’t the attitudes of ALL the other people. Besides, people need their friends to help them grow and change for the better, especially when a needed change isn’t recognizable to that person…
Fuck ‘em!
the real catalyst to the whole situation is alcohol; if you remove that from the equation there is no problem. the right thing to do in this situation is make sure you dear friend can kick his alcohol addiction and try not to entice him too much since he has no self control when it’s served in front of him.
the problems between them are being ironed out, sit back and relax and watch the issues disapear…
I’ll admit that alchohol can be problem inducing… especially for those that are under its control via addiction. However, “b”, you completely miss the point of the post. That may be a contributor to some relationship challenges between the two paramours, but that really isn’t what I was writing about. The bigger issue… the one that will be the wrecker of any chance of long term success in this relationship… is not how she reacts to his drinking, but how she reacts to everyone and everything that doesn’t acquiesce to her slightest whim. Her dogmatic need to be the center of attention and inability to compromise. Her irrefutable self-centeredness and immutable controlling nature. There may be many “problems”. but if you think his alchohol consumption is the root of the issue, then you are in my humble opinion, clueless.
I know this person quite well...by far should I ever be referred to as a “pussy”...(I could be crude and tell you that I have one!)...I do not fear her...I have told her on more than one occassion that she has a problem. She is controlling and she likes to “stir the pot”...not only with her friends, but also her own family. Don’t see a long lasting marriage in the rate things are going...it’s sad, but it’s just like an alcoholic...you must hit rock bottom and want to help yourself before you can seek professional help.
PEACE
*speaking out of turn*
I agree. Alcoholism is one thing but a “personality” disorder is another thing all together.
Sounds like you should just shoot the girl and put her out of her misery. Clearly she’s fucked in the head. I mean people are afraid of her, she’s selfish, she stirs the pot with her family and friends. What a pethetic existance. Even her so called friends that know her quite well think her marriage won’t work. So glad there’s so many of us out there that are “normal” and without “personality disorders”.
That sarcasm reads like a retarded kid telling a joke you already know the punch line to… if you don’t have something constructive to say, then why say anything at all? Nothing I posted here was with malicious intent. There really isn’t anything positive that can come from turning it into such, “Abigail”.
I concurr; however, you say these words were not posted with malicious intensions...did you honestely think what has been written would not hurt the “parties” feelings? I have a tendency to speak without processing the words before saying them...evidentlly, it has happened again. I am not trying to change my original statement, but only recognizing that it’s none of my business how anyone conducts their relationship / marriage. It is, however, my duty as a friend to make a point when a behavioural problem is reoccurring and affects my relationship with them. Rather than sharing my feelings with all whom read this, I should have picked up the phone and discussed these issues on a more personable level. It’s exhausting and I’m ready for this to dissolve to its entirety.
PEACE
I did try to talk about it with the “parties” several times, but it always ends up in them leaving and me being the asshole. This is my blog and it’s purpose is not to protect feelings or be touchy feely… it’s here so I can writeabout what I think/feel without censoring for anyone. It’s like TV… if you don’t like the program, change the channel. If I don’t censor for my mother (who reads daily), then I’m sure as hell not going to sensor for someone known to be overly sensitive when the subject is uncomfortably close to home.
I too just want this all to go away.
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