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As I type the first few letters of this post, the clock ticks 3:06 a.m. and all the hopes I’d had of this being an early night for me drift away between me and the TV… muffled amidst the HD video channel striving to be the MTV of 1981 where music reined, commercials were few, and no one knew what the fuck Reality Television was (nor the negative impact it would have on life as we would come to know it). My mind drifts. Imagine stepping across the surface of a liquid just fast enough to know that if you were to slow, you would sink. That is the state of my consciousness now-a-days. Stop to reflect and get caught in the web of it all. I don’t represent my opinions as a statement of position anymore as much I just as reflect upon observation on others. It’s like my own flavor of Reality TV. If you put all your time in watching shit around you, you don’t actually have to take ownership in living your own life. Just go through the motions. It works. Ironically, there are a series of complicated observations in my personal and professional lives recently that I want to loquate here but haven’t the strength to make it through the paragraphs required truly convey my thoughts. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. Perhaps some random dictation would be a start? My best friend, Sean, seems more distant than ever and although I know this is not intentional, it makes the geographic distance between us more real than it needs to be. I’ve fulfilled a new role at work and now am having to move into a new arm of the organization that presents itself as a double edged sword. It brings new opportunity, new potential, yet possible political implications resulting in drama… all tiring.  EL’s close friends and family seem to have found a way to move forward (perhaps on) and I can’t seem to stop the bleeding. I have a network of men in my life, accumulated over fortunate experience and time, that make up the closest thing I could hope for to brotherhood. Their recent inaccessibility to me makes me question the possibility of my becoming a burden in their lives somehow by not being the man they knew before June of last year… as if I’ve become someone to groom out of their Rolodex. I have many friends that I really want to give my time to… that I want to share myself with, but I just can’t. That social butterfly found his way back to the cocoon. My life is becoming quite discontiguous. I don’t know which way is up.