Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,
it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
caught loungin' |
One time Erin showed up at my office out of the blue with a huge bag of every sort of OTC pain killer, lotion, antiseptic, dental floss, breath freshener, antacid, anti-gas, etc. thing you could imagine. It was a little pharmacy. She said, "I'm making you a medicine drawer... just in case". She was always looking out for me. She would bring me little knick-knacks for my office or leave little love notes. She would bake fresh goodies for my co-workers like home made banana nut bread or cookies. She always had a smile on her face and was always encouraging. Her photos in my office show her caring eyes... innocent and pure. She was my angel. I laid down in her closet this morning for a few minutes as I was trying to wake up. Images flashed in my head in a completely random fashion... every single one of them was a wonderful memory. There were no bad memories... we never fought, we loved each other completely... we were thankful and cherished finding each other. Our relationship was as close to perfect as one could hope for... our marriage was like living a fairy tale. I managed somehow to make it to work without crying this morning. I haven't been working much, but it was the first time. I parked my truck and went into the lobby to get a cup of coffee. I made it to my office and unlocked the door. So far, so good. When I stepped inside it was like being hit by a truck. When I could gather myself together, I tried to use the key code the HR rep had forwarded through my boss to access the benefits services to schedule professional counseling. It didn't work. I'll circle back around to that another day, but for today I am done in here. I can't put my finger on what it is, but it is just too much. Maybe it is because I wouldn't have this job if it were not for her support. Making a career jump from a stable company, great position, and good future to something a little more risky was something we discussed together. She made it clear that through good and bad, no matter what, she would be right there beside me... supporting me every step of the way as my wife. I had the courage to risk it because I knew that no matter what happened, I would have her. That no matter where life took me, I would be holding her hand and that was all that was important.
Home is where the wife is. I want her back so badly... just to hear her sweet voice. My baby... my true love... my everything.
So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Don’t give up. Ever. Keep pushing forward. She would want you to.
I still remember the cruelest loss to me yet. I’m in my late 30’s now but it was only a few years ago that my grandfather had bypass surgery. My grandmother was bringing him home from the hospital and he collapsed in the driveway. It was later discovered that a clot had traveled from his leg to his lungs because the nurses didn’t get him out of bed due to the fact that the doctors had taken the veins from his one good leg (he had lost one leg at the age of ten by hopping trains with his friends).
I remember this strange feeling that if I could just solve the problem of HOW HAD THIS HAPPENED???? then it would somehow turn back the hands of time, even though my brain knew better, but my heart just kept on wishing it. Maybe that’s what you’re doing. I wish it for you… I really do.
It was so incredibly hard watching you drive away this evening. I know this was the most logical time for me to head out. Still, I worry. This isn’t my line in the sand. I hope you stay safe and you always keep in mind what Erin would want for you. I feel like there was still so much to be there to be with you through, even if I was helpless to do much of anything besides say something I hope wasn’t annoying or wrong, just to be there. These weeks seem like just a blink of an eye. I don’t want you to ever think you are “out of sight, out of mind” for me. I get wrapped up with whatever the crap seems to be the drama of my daily existence but you’re always going to be my best friend in the world and always have been. My brother from a diff’rent mother.
Yeah. What Sean said.
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