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Still kickin’… sorta. First off, before I ramble about this or that, let me say that I sincerely wish y’all a wonderful, happy, and safe holiday. My Christmas was low key… nice and not alone. I always assumed that the holiday season was a time for rest and relaxation… you know, down time. It’s when you are supposed to have a crackling fire in the fireplace and cozy up under a bunch of blankets and reflect on how you are NOT busy on the go-go-go or at work. It’s time to enjoy long conversations with friends and loved ones. It’s time to catch up with those too busy to rope in during the year and see those family members all too distant the other months on the calendar. It’s about celebrating the gift of Christ and gifting with a open heart to those in our lives… not out of obligation, but appreciation… not necessarily material gifts, but perhaps just our time or sentiment. Well let me tell you matter of fact… my holiday will is on the next episode of ”Will it Blend?”. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a grand time and I’m not complaining… more explaining (where I’ve been)… I’m just tired. I think I’ve attended more Christmas parties this year than I have in the last 10 years combined. There may not have been a single night in the last week that I was actually “free” to do something. I had friends call and offer their homes and tables on short notice and I, in the most cliché way, had to check my calendar and regrettably decline. I skipped the long drive to the coast for Christmas eve and day with my mom’s side of the family and stayed in Houston. Georgia went out of her way to really make Christmas special and it was a great surprise in the most difficult of seasons for me these days. Her mother included me in the Christmas meal and I actually (uncharacteristically) slipped into a coma afterwards from the energy diverted to digestion. It was yummadoo indeed. I’ve actually gained about 10 pounds over the last few months. I’ll have to focus on that after all the holiday eatin’ has settled down.  Since my life most recently has been zinging from one event to the next, I haven’t really had much of that “down time” I really was looking to embrace over the holiday, but it’s been swell all the same. I received my approval from the Department of Veteran’s Affairs to start drawing on my VA educational benefits. I’m going back to school… well, I’m going back to flight school. I’ve decided to pursue my instrument and commercial pilot rating in 2008. I’m not sure what my monthly allotment is and what sort of time I can really devote to logbook hours, but there’s no turning back now. I’ve got the ball rolling… finally. The weather is cool again finally… borderline cold. It is supposed to reach 27 degrees (Fahrenheit) tomorrow and the next day, so bundle up if you are near. For northerners, 27 degrees is a walk in the park… but that is 27 very low humidity degrees. Until you have experienced 27 degrees in near 100% relative humidity, you need to keep sipping on that warm mug of shutthefuckup. It is quite… violent. I’ve been so busy that I missed the “winter veil” festivities in WoW and other than getting my first honest to goodness low-sec PvP kill mail the other day on an impromptu corporation fleet op, I’ve not played much EVE. Team Fortress 2, Call of Duty 4, etc… all neglected. If mentioned before how I dislike console games, but I broke down and purchased the full version of the newly released ”Toy Home” for PS3 from the Playstation Store this week. It’s has a fun factor kinda like the original Mario Kart for NES, but better graphics and no track. Basically you drive a toy car around a house and try to destroy as much shit as possible. You get points for running over toys and knocking down blocks, jumping stuff, etc. Another console game that will likely be a purchase is the forthcoming ”Pain” game. The trailer makes it out to be a game where you try to hurt your avatar as much as possible and are awarded points for it. I hate pain, but watching cartoon pain is strangely funny. It’s an enigma… like why guys will always find fart humor funny until the day they die. Speaking of stereotypes, I occasionally will do unauthorized reposts of other peoples shit here… it happens. My friend in northern Louisiana, Luke, writes a blog that I read from time to time. He’s a great guy IRL and I like hanging out with him when we are in the same town… he’s “good people”. He writes well with a lot to say (unlike my random babble), but his blog posts are almost always about women and his opinions of and experiences, trials, and tribulations with the women in his life. Most of his readers are women, so he often gets colorful feedback (which arguable is better than no feedback at all), but he takes the time to respond to everyone (which I have never seemed able to do consistently). His most recent blog was a list of things he doesn’t like girls to do or not do when he dates them… which was rebutted by a female reader changing the subject gender. My question is, what is on your list and why? Of Luke’s and his reader’s opinions, was there anything that jumped out as “strongly agree” or “strongly disagree” and why? People are strange, but there seems to be patterned order to our entropy. How much of what we think is from time exposure to our environments? How much is from reaction to personal experience? How much is from intellectual deduction of facts from statistical data? Heathkit announced it is re-introducing their classic robot with a new look and feel (and innards) which got me thinking about distant robotics and the future of AI. Granted, explaining common trends in behavioral expectations from one sex to the next in relationships isn’t exactly the same as how does one dust a home or wash a car, but it begs the question: Without true AI, how will robots “learn” beyond things defined by cause and effect? If I place this here, that happens. If we figure all that out, it’s on… Cyberdyne Systems and The Matrix. I’m really digressing here. Shit. Here are the two posts:

Luke’s “Things girls do that I hate”:

1. Don’t listen to me. I am a very passionate person, I get excited about things that are important in my life. The one person I look forward to sharing these things with is you. Even if it’s a topic you could care less about I want you to listen, BE interested and ask questions. I hate it when girls say “I have no idea what you are talking about, I cant follow anymore”.

2. When girls act trashy or overly sexual in public. Making sexual innuendos on a regular basis in public grosses me out. Here and there is cool, but seriously do you have to make a blow job reference every time you see any rounded object?

3. Girls that lose all of their individuality because they have kids. Every question you ask them has to do with their kids, every dream they have has to do with their kids. Guess what, being 34 and wearing a Hannah Montana sweater is not attractive. You are more than just a mom, let it show and don’t forget that side of you.

4. Girls that just exist until they are married. It’s like they cant start their own life until they get a ring on their finger. Girls, you have to realize you waiting around to get married and not having a fulfilled life is NOT attractive. Be yourself and have a great time doing it, then when you get married your life just gets a little better but it doesn’t define who you are.

5. Not appreciating the small things in life, looking past them like they don’t even exist. When we drive down a country road in the fall look at the leaves, there are 5000 natural colors without dye right on front of you, take time and notice them.

6. Not saying thank you after dinner. Even if I have bought you 503 dinners I want you to say thank you and mean it after each one. I do it because I adore you not because I have to, don’t lose sight of that.

7. Girls that don’t swallow. We aren’t in the back seat of mom’s car in 10th grade anymore. Step it up.

8. Not appreciating the little sweet things that I do for you. Its easy to take someone that just as a general rule is nice for granted. If I see your slippers in the living room and put them next to the bed so you wont have to step out on a cold floor that’s some rare shit. Just because I do things like that for you all the time, don’t forget that most of your girlfriends don’t get things like that done for them.

9. Girls that don’t talk or try to warm up to my friends or family. You know it wouldn’t hurt to ask my mom how she did at her last Bridge tournament or ask my dad if he is killing any ducks. Show some interest, is it that hard? I can assure you, 30 minutes after meeting your dad we will be best friends and discussing all of our mutual hobbies. He will name his dog Luke and make us BFF bracelets. You don’t have to go that far but show some initiative in getting to know the people that are important to me.

10. Girls that act like badasses, for example “uh uh, I know he didn’t say that, if he said that about me I would F him up”. That’s such a turnoff, first off you are girl, you aren’t supposed to brag about how well you fight. Next, with one arm behind my back I could break every bone in your body, I am a man, you are a woman, men will always win. To even discuss that you have a chance is so unbelievably unintelligent.

*Note - Sure there are exceptions, WWF, UFC and really big girls(which can be distracted with Little Debbie Snacks) but as a general rule the typical girl cannot impact a man physically if he is actually trying. *

11. Not appreciating time with family. I like spending time with either one of our family’s for extended period of times, don’t always have “what’s next” on your mind. I like just hanging out with my family, laughing, telling stories, having fun in the living room. I will also do that with your family too, so I would like the same in return.

12. Doing things to make me jealous. Do I look like a child? First off I don’t get jealous, jealousy is for the weak. Dance on another guy and look over to see if I am watching, I swear to you I will leave you there, you can call a cab. I have done it and I will do it again.

13. Don’t take a compliment from me. I say you are gorgeous without makeup and you insist that you aren’t. I say that your body looks amazing in that dress and you want to argue and point out all your imperfections. God that’s annoying.

14. When a girl stops wearing sexy things in the bedroom after they have “got” you.  I understand you cant do it all the time or even the majority of the time, but there isn’t much about a pair of thermal socks, a t-shirt that says “I survived Prom 95” and boxer shorts that screams “Fuck me like you’ll never see me again”, so don’t be surprised when I read my book instead. Wear some thigh high stocking and make sure there are plenty of things on the floor to pick up. Do that and trust me I wouldn’t read that book if it was stapled to my forehead. Let’s compromise, sexy 2 nights a week, comfortable 5 nights a week.

15. Girls that wont try food because they “don’t like it” even though the last time they tried it they were 8 years old. To me someone that wont try food says a lot about their ability to be adventurous and also tells me they are easily satisfied with comfort zones and not growing as a person. I’ll pass.

16. I hate it when girls don’t think sad love movies are sweet. You are a girl you are supposed to love The Notebook. I once watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” with my girlfriend and mom. My mom was crying towards the end and my gf whispered in my ear about how she couldn’t believe my mom was crying and she was being a baby. Bad move, please call a cab. :)

17. A girl that makes the worst of a situation she doesn’t want to be in. I know that you going with me to Bass Pro Shops isn’t your favorite thing but make the best of it. If you look hard enough to can enjoy any possible situation. It’s a choice you make, either have a good time or have a bad time, you decide. 

18. When a girl asks me “where are we going with our relationship?” when it’s been 3 dates. I am not 19, I don’t become your boyfriend after 3 dates just because we like each other, that’s some serious business and I will treat it that way. You aren’t wearing my Letter Jacket after 2 lunches, it will be a long time before I commit. After 3 dates I know 3 percent about you, do you think I am going to commit when there is 97 percent unknown?

19. When a girl acts like she cant get dirty. Its dirt, it will wash off.

20. When a girl acts like being domesticated is an insult or a step down. I am not asking you to not speak until you are spoken to like in the 50’s. I am just asking you to take care of our house, I will take care of the other 410 things in our life. If you work full time and this is not possible we will hire a maid, but if there is one thing I have learned about myself its that I can assure you, I’m not doing it.

21. Girls that don’t believe or trust me. Ugh, what a headache. I can operate without lying in a relationship, you doubting me is so unbelievably annoying.

22. Girls that talk all the time. Seriously you must adapt when you are around a man, we don’t like to talk about stuff all the time. When you are around your girlfriends y’all can talk for hours about Reese Witherspoon’s new hair cut, but we don’t care. If you have something important to you that you would like to talk about then I will listen until my ears stop functioning. Don’t forget there is a huge difference between talking and having a conversation.

23. I personally don’t like pet names. A baby here and there is ok, but no two word pet names are acceptable. Honey Bunny, Baby Doll or Sugar Pants and we are calling the cab, yes again.

24. When a girl makes fun of me or insults me in public, that’s unacceptable. Have enough respect to not do this, that’s pretty much a one strike your out rule. Note – giving someone a hard time is different than insulting them.

25. Insecure girls. For example if I decide to do something during the week that doesn’t involve you and you ask me “why don’t you want to do something with me? FYI…… I just threw up on my desk thinking about that girl…

The “20 Things Guys Do In Relationships That I Hate....” response:

1. I can’t stand it when guys think their job is WAY more important than ours. I went to college. I fight the same “political” work bullshit. My co-workers can be lazy. You supervise 600 people, I save lives. Both of our jobs are important.

2. When your “superior ego” writes checks your ass can’t cash. Don’t say what you don’t mean, especially, if you think your going to bed with me.

3. To expand on number two… If your “superior ego” causes you to pick fights with anyone who questions your man-hood, then maybe your man-hood should be questioned. Get over yourself.

4. Don’t tell me you can’t remember my birthday, but you can rattle off all the stats to every football player known. I’ll remember yours, your family’s, and possibly your dog’s. It’s called effort. Keep up.

5. Guys who think foreplay is not a prerequisite. If you can’t warm the oven before things get cooking, then don’t expect a rise out of me. (And I won’t be coming back for a second helping.)

6. Guys who won’t kiss you after a “beejeer”. If I can handle it, then so must you. It doesn’t make you gay… and if you think it does… AGAIN, maybe your manhood needs to be questioned.

7. Guys who will do anything I ask. If I ask you to paint my toe nails for me, and you actually DO IT… my next date and I will get a big laugh, at your expense.

8. Guys who think “Victoria Secrets” is the end-all store for ALL my gift needs. I do have a life beyond your bedroom… and don’t you dare think the “kitchen store” is second choice.

9.  Guys who leave facial hair on my sink, floor, and possibly the ceiling, after shaving. That’s just plain nasty.

10. Guys who feel like they have to teach me everything about cars, boats, oil rigs, splitters, finite math, wood-working, thumb wrestling, ect.  If you want me to be a guy, then why are we together? Better yet, If you want me to be a guy, then the sex just ended here.

11. Guys who think they should come before my son. If we are not married, you are not first. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t cancel a date because my son has chosen to be whiny that day.... but if he’s sick, has a baseball game, his dog died, Christmas play, his girlfriend dumped him, award ceremonies, his dad didn’t show up...ect., then don’t expect to see me, unless you come along.

12. To expand on number 11… Guys who believe our relationship consists of only “me” and “him”. If you can’t take time to know my son, or invite him to “certain” functions… then don’t waste your time knowing me.

13. Guys who thinks that wedding dates are a way for a woman to get marriage into your head. It’s a wedding… we are dating… I need a date. Would you rather me take my ex? As much as you chose not to believe it, not everything we do is a pre-planned manipulation to get a husband. Again, GET OVER YOURSELF.

14. Guys who think we must share a bathroom at any given time. Unless you have blood clots coming out of your ass, don’t call me in there.

15. Guys who think they must retreat to the TV room when my girl friends come over. If I have to deal with your beer-burping, loud ass football friends, then be kind enough to share laughs with mine. When the topics turn to boyfriend problems, or anything uber girly, then you are allowed to run. Other than that, friendly conversation is a must.

16. Guys who think the man must always drive. I own a car… I passed my drivers test… I’m an adult. Give me some credit.

17. Guys who don’t call and check that I made it home safely when it’s late at night. If I leave your house at 2 AM after watching a movie, then you damn sure better call to make sure I got home.

18. Guys who cuss while with me in public. Unless it’s a sports game with no kids around, social drinking function with “certain” friends, or an asteroid just landed ten feet in front of us… keep the cussing to yourself.

19. Guys who think I need them for anything that requires assembly. Don’t go there.

And lastly…
20. Guys who belittle a woman’s need for orgasm. If you have sex 30 times in one month and only orgasm twice, you would become a raging psycho. Same goes for us. My standard is 75%. I will not compromise here.

Since I didn’t visit my family on Christmas, I decided to spend New Year’s with them and get away from H-Town for a few days. Georgia and her boston terrier, Tucker, came along with me and Henry for the trip to my home town for a couple of days before going on to my mom’s property outside of Goliad. Tucker had never been to the beach before and didn’t know what sand and waves were… so we took him to the beach yesterday. Yes, the beach in December… two days before New Years. Welcome to Texas. Warm enough for the beach one day, colder than dead polar bear dick the next. It is simultaneously endearing and highly annoying. The dogs had a fabulous time at the edge of the cool surf as we looked for shells and ran up and down the beach. My mom came along and narrated the trip like guide since so much has changed since I lived here as a child. One of the highlights of my trips to my home town is visiting the City Tortilla Factory. They make fresh daily the best tortillas I’ve ever eaten in my life in all my travels. Sadly, they are closed for the holiday until after the new year, but Georgia and I found a new tamale place across the street and picked up some homemade spicy pork tamales. OMG. They were fantastic. The little lady running the shop (and presumably making the tamales) told us that her brother has an identical shop making the same tamale selection in Humble. What a treat! That is about 20 minutes from my house… 4 hours north of her shop. It was meant to be that 2008 will bring me more home cooked tamales. I was sad when I heard Tamale Imperial had shut down, but this turned that frown upside down foe sho. Nothing else new to report here… I’m hangin’ in there… one day at a time and chin up. I don’t really have any New Year’s resolutions since I think they are inherently designed to be discarded shortly after put into motion, but there are a few things I would like to accomplish in the new calendar year. I want to take more vacations. I would like to go on more photo trips and maybe take a cruise. I want to lose 20 pounds. I want to get my instrument and commercial pilot certifications and fly more… perhaps spend time flying around the great spots Texas has to offer and embrace this wonderful state I’ve loved all my life. I want to get a little girlfriend for Henry to spend time with at the house while I’m at work. I’d like to ride my motorcycle more and spend more time with my hands in the dirt in my yard. I’d like to address some of the home improvement items I’ve put off for so long now… new siding for the back of the house and my garage, new appliances, new carpet and tile, new fixtures and fans, etc. I want to sell Erin’s Accord and get down to one car payment, clean out my garage, and turn it into workable space… who knows, maybe make it into a studio. I want to dress better at work and play. I want to get back into SCUBA diving and writing poetry. I want to climb again (see losing 20 pounds comment). I want to learn a second language and cook more often. It’s a big list, but there are no real expectations and consequences… just some direction. What sort of goals do you have in 2008? Have a wonderful, safe holiday… see ya next year.