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I am constantly walking the perspective tight rope these days trying not to fall off. Juggling the fragments… trying to hold it all together. I ran across this print of me giggling about something from a few years ago. I remember the way I felt all the time back then like I watched it on a TV show. I had a little emotional moment this evening that made me evaluate my progress and the whole efficiency of keeping the balls in the air while going on with everyday life and not dropping one. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Whatever. It still sucks just as bad. I have just had more time to slap mortar between the bricks. Another few feet on the ‘ole wall and the contractors are filling the moat with alligators and piranha. I don’t know what to say other than I’m here. Sometimes barely and not the same. I should have TIVO’d myself.

First day back at the gym was boss. They replaced the broken Treadclimbers with new ones and I have decided it is my favorite cardio machine. I still need to pack for tomorrow. Since I won’t have the time or means to go to a gym while there, I’m going to bring clothes to work out at the hotel.

Did you read this? Interesting. Time to go work in the yard a little more, eh? Visit the beach. Take a multivitamin. et al.

I’m off to Dallas. Cheerio.

Awesome.

There’s nothing like a eight o’clock conference call on Monday morning to kick the week off right. I mute the line and tap into some streaming ambient on XM to help the coffee slide down my throat. My company just announced a record quarter, so the mood floating through the air is lined with positivity for the most part. My coworker came into work with a dazed look in his eyes after chancing an elevator ride with the lady I mentioned a week or two ago that works in my building. Yes, she is that beautiful. Staring out my window, all I see is the promise of rain. Fitting for a Monday succeeding a nearly perfect weathered weekend. I am to be in Dallas tomorrow for a regional meeting. I never really cared for the DFW area however, I can’t seem to find the why. I usually don’t mind these gatherings as long as there is some productive outcome. This one won’t fall into that category. We are meeting at some fancy schmancy private club for an afternoon of golf. /sigh. I’ll be nice to see my out of town associates again, but the golf course wouldn’t be my first choice. For statistical accuracy, we’ll probably follow with a nice dinner together at some Dallas “where to be seen” sort of restaurant (read: loud, obnoxious, overpriced, and without character… but likely full of Dallas’s ”pretty people”). I’m working out of the Dallas office on Wednesday and driving back to Houston that evening on my $900 worth of tires I had to put on my truck on Friday. Highway robbery. Apparently, I need Kevlar in my tires these days. I’m ready for Fallujah. My favorite club, the 5 wood, is still snapped at the head. A friend borrowed it last fall and beheaded it, but I play so little golf, I never had it repaired. Funny. I play enough to know it’s my favorite club, but not enough to care to have it fixed. Outside of the Dallas extravaganza, this week should (knock on wood) be relatively slow with regard to work. I’m feeling much better after two days of rest and am ready to get back in the gym today. We’ll see how it goes. 

Where did my weekend go? After sleeping waaaay too long today and slowly entering the land of the living, my mom and I went for a ride through the countryside. Lots of fun getting lost and finding our way again on the bike in the midst of a beautiful, sunny afternoon. We stopped at Panera on the way home for a bite. I really had every intention of getting to the gym when I started to feel better, but I was exhausted this evening and just didn’t have the will. We had a nice, low key evening and now, as much as I wish I could cling to the weekend just a tad longer, I am readying for slumber. My body is begging for more rest. It is this fact alone keeping guilt at bay. Tomorrow is back-at-the-gym day… I mean it. 

My mother came into town yesterday afternoon while my friend and I were at the spa. Yesterday was monthly “spa day”. I go every week or two for the mani/pedi, but not often enough for the full body deep tissue I, apparently, desperately need. Last night was the Burden Brothers show at the Old Town Sping Crawfish Festival that I’d been planning on attending for weeks now. I took my mother for dinner at Houston’s after a pinot noir flight at The Wine Bucket. We shared the smoked salmon and each had the sashimi ahi, mango, avocado salad that I adore. When we got home, I was feeling a little under the weather. I think it really has a lot to do with all the work I had done to the tremendous knots in what should be my muscles. The massage therapist was completely spent when she was done with me. I guess I’m significantly broken and need further work. I skipped the show and went to bed early only to sleep until nearly 11 this morning. I can’t remember the last time I slept that long. My mother took care of the pets’ breakfast. I’m a little thick in the head today… almost the feeling of waterlog from a head cold, but I feel fine… just slow. I’ve been slowly working into the day by sipping coffee on the couch. The sun is out and and it’s a nice day for a walk or ride. I’m just not feeling 100 percent. Maybe the fresh air will do me good.

“love of two is one
here but now they’re gone
came the last night of sadness
and it was clear she couldn’t go on
then the door was open and the wind appeared
the candles blew then disappeared
the curtains flew then he appeared...saying don’t be afraid
come on baby...and she had no fear
and she ran to him...then they started to fly
they looked backward and said goodbye…
she had become like they are
she had taken his hand…
she had become like they are
come on baby…
don’t fear the reaper”

Traffic started backing up early on this cool morning commute on my motorcycle this morning. Normally, on the days I drive in, there is no traffic at all. Today was different. Four highway lanes were backed up about 5 miles due to a large, multi-vehicle crash. Although the police and paramedics had the left lanes blocked and the right lanes remained clear for passing traffic, the rubberneckers kept things slow (or stopped). I didn’t get a good look, but the mangled pieces of metal that were roughly the size of cars were flipped in all sorts of odd and upsidedown-ish positions. I don’t know if or how many people were injured, but it didn’t look good. The office is quiet. No one is here but me and my boss. I probably won’t stick around long today if the weather remains nice. The open road calls my name.

Did I blog about my micro-SD card failing in my phone? I purchased a 2GB micro-SD for my Blackjack before I left for Seattle (so it’s quite new). I took lots of snapshots and video from my phone while there that I’d planned on sharing here, but for some reason it stopped working last Saturday. I thought it might be the phone at first, but I’ve tried to read it on numerous other devices (computers, etc). No go. I remember seeing documentary videos where they would put a nail through a solid state device and cycle it through the washing machine a few times, let it dry, then try to read the NVRAM and *bam* it works. Not this little chip o’shit. Soooo, I guess I won’t be posting that stuff after all. I actually had purchased two 2GB cards at the same time… one for the cell and one for the GPS. If the GPS on fails soon, I’ll know I got a rotten batch. Heh.

A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a priest, a rabbi, two giraffes and a duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman, an American, and a Scotsman walked into a bar.

The barman said, “Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?”

“I’m beginning to think peace is something we made up to keep us from being satisfied with all this luscious chaos.” - B. Andreas

I picked up a pedometer this afternoon. I had one some time ago, but it broke. My mother gave EL and I each pedometers when she and Bob were doing the America on the Move challenges. Basically it’s a dealio where you log in each day and enter the total number of steps you took for the day. It charts your track (using your step count) on a course you selected when you started… you can walk the Appalachian Trail, across the UK, the path of the Iditarod, etc. The options change from time to time, but the underlying point is to stop sedentary lifestyles by promoting walking about more.

I need sleep.

I saw a guy run over his girlfriend today… sorta. I worked from home or rather, I am working from home. The weather is so nice out… sun is shining and the temp is around 72F. Perfect climate for outdoor anything. I needed to run an errand at lunch and stop by a local store. The store is housed in a large cement building and all of the parking spaces along the wall facing the parking lot are directly adjacent to the building side with no sideway or posts to distance autos from the building. A young man… maybe 17-ish… was getting into his truck as I was pulling up. Either he had just loaded something into the bed and was trying to pull away or he was trying to back up closer and his girlfriend was guiding the effort from behind the truck. Regardless, he stepped on the gas and would have hit the building dead on with the rear bumper of his full sized Chevy truck were it not for the legs of his girlfriend between him and the building. He pinned her there screaming for a good 5 seconds before putting the transmission in the correct gear direction and moving to allow her to collapse on the pavement. I jumped out of my truck as did he and we met at her. I asked her if she was alright and if she needed me to call an ambulance, doctor, or parents (she looked like she was about 16-ish, but who knows with kids now-a-days). He snapped back at me that she was ok, going to be fine, etc. and that he had it under control. Since the damage did not appear to be life threatening, I decided to not press the matter just then, but rather enter the store and take care of my errand. I’d see what was up when I walked back out and reassess. I was inside about 25 or 30 minutes, but when I walked out, they were both in his vehicle with the engine off. She didn’t look comfortable at all, but if he had snapped a femur, I doubt she would have been able to get from the asphalt to the cab of the truck without the crowd of people outside intervening. I was going to tap on the window and ask if they needed assistance again, but I figure if she is actually sporting broken bones and they are too stupid to have searched for help in the last 30 minutes, they can continure to be stupid while he drives her home. Let the parents deal with it. Poor kids. I feel worse for her, but bad for both of them… it was obviously an accident.

I set up my new work laptop to let me in all the typical password challenge spots (bootup, login, return from screensaver, etc.) with a biometric scan of any of my fingertips. I am so digging not having to type a password. Yay for technology! Well, this one anyway.

Only one more day until the weekend. I can’t wait. I need the ability to not think. Who would have thought doing nothing could be so… something? 

I couldn’t wait any longer to get rid of the Fozzy Bear. I want a Jerry Garcia or nothing. I’m not a hairy guy… no Sasquatch back, no gorilla arms and legs, and definitely no 5 o’clock shadow at 10 aye emm. If I can’t successfully fill out a Jesus beard or get 27% into a ZZ Top, then why bother really? Heh. Seriously, it was bothering me to be that unkempt. I thought that if I told myself I could shave it when I hit my little gym goal, that would make me work harder toward it. It didn’t. Oh well. The worst part about freshly shaving a beard is the face shock that happens. I have really sensitive skin on my face and neck. Not shaving for a while and then starting again is not a happy experience. I look all sad or angry here… or something besides what I am at the moment… which is hungry, sore, and uncomfortable. I was fiddling around downstairs and decided to grab Henry for a quick documentary shot of the post weed whacking. As you can see, he is thrilled.

I picked up The Worlds Fastest Indian on BD today. I’m an Anthony Hopkins fan, so I hope it is as good as I’ve been told. Assuming I don’t fall asleep on the couch trying to finish it, I’ll let you know. 

Mike and I were stopped by the Houston Rollerderby girls at Buzzfest as we walked by their promotions booth. I wish I could remember what was so funny. I love a good joke.

I am in disrepair. I started back in the gym this afternoon after a couple of days off. Tired, sore, and realizing that I was long overdue for a tune up. I’m even taking it easy given I’m not the spring chicken I used to be. I love smoothies. I had a smoothie for dinner. I found out that the local smoothie place can leave out the turbinado (the light brown stuff you get when you steam raw sugar) if you ask. It cuts out 100 calories. I’m not really a calorie-counter, but I don’t like the extra sweetness, so it’s a win-win.

I took these photos when I got home because I hate this beard. I want to shave it off soooo badly. I told myself I wouldn’t touch it until I lost some weight and got back in shape. Grrr! Sometimes it sucks to be “a man of your word”. As I was pulling these off the camera, it was evident how much harsher my features are than when I was younger. Not leathery, weathered, and eroded like a sunbathing Marlboro man, but aged. When I was 20 years old and had just signed a contract with the Navy, I went to visit my father in San Antonio. While there, I was approached by a large modeling agency and offered a job. It was, of course, too late at that point since I was all set to ship out for boot camp soon. It was flattering, silly, and work for the young.

The new guy at the office is fitting in well. He’s a pretty cool fella. It’s a shame he will be working out of San Antonio and covering Austin because I think we would get along well. Most of my friends have moved on. Busy with careers and family, I’m sure it’s easier to have a friend that isn’t walking around with a dark cloud over his head. I try to keep in touch, but my iceberg has seemingly drifted further out to sea. Jason is graduating with his MBA next weekend in Los Angeles and I really would like to be there, but I can’t find a pet sitter. My mother, who is so great with helping me out watching the little ones when I’m away, will be celebrating her wedding anniversary that same weekend in Mexico. Greg is having some stressful times and I’d like to fly to Indiana to visit him, but my schedule with work and such is tight over the next month. My “brutha from a different mutha”, Sean, is wrapping up Pirates 3 and his effects load will be light for a few weeks, so I picked up some Deftones tickets for us to attend together in May, but that will be here in H-Town. There are a couple more old Navy buds that I’d like to catch up with this year… Sockfoot (David), Kirk, and Bill. Passing thoughts really. I am surrounded by people at work, friends, and neighbors… yet I feel so alone. Always alone.

There is a huge storm coming in tonight. They say rush hour tomorrow will be horrific and I need to be down near Galleria by 9:00. Tres suck. I should go take some OTC sleep aid and try to get to bed early, but I can’t you see. I’m on the last DVD of the Firefly series and I’m really enjoying it all. I can believe they were canceled. /boggle. It’s hard for me to pick a favorite episode. They all were done quite well… well cast, good storyline, shot and sequenced well, etc. I really like the Old West feel to the costumes and vernacular combined with the SciFi deep space setting. It just… works. I have a couple of new BluRay movies waiting to be watched when I get the time. BluRay on the 1080p is my new “going out to the movies”. I just don’t go anymore. I sit home in some comfy clothes, in the comfy position, on the comfy couch and relish the ability to control the volume and pause when I need to without worrying about missing a spot. Splendid.

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” - Ernest Hemmingway

I think that is my “did thoust remembereth to bringeth me’s presents?” look. Or, something like that. There is a critter living in my attic. Not like a monster or dangerous beastie (I hope), but more like a squirrel, rat, racoon, possum, [insert favorite rodent here], etc. I first heard it when it was daftly cold outside, but still every now and again I hear a small scurry and the dogs go wild to affirm it was my imagination. I am hesitant to call someone about it because I have no real desire to kill anything and I suppose when it gets hot enough in the summer, it’ll leave for cooler digs anyway. I don’t think it’s destructive to my property. Well, I hope it’s not anyway… since I didn’t get a security deposit and all. I have a big place for just one man… plenty of room to share for a spell. I guess it’s my way of taking in the homeless.

There was something I was going to write about in this post and it has completely slipped my mind. Hence the rubbish north of here. There really isn’t much new to share on this end. I am working extra duty since my engineering counterpart in Houston has flown the coop to start his own company. I am struggling with the whole stick-to-it-tiveness of the diet/gym mountain I’m climbing. I received all the flight manuals and updated aviation regulations in the mail, but have yet to schedule a flight physical or go to the airport to look for a Part 141 program that fits what I’m looking to do. Really, I’ve just been working and sleeping. Not lazy, just in a bit of a rut.

Oh yeah, I remember now. I got a new, well used but new to me, laptop at work today. I have been using the same old hunk o’dung for over two years. Just when I realized my company was simply not going to fund a hardware refresh and I spend money on lots of memory for it, I get a goodwill upgrade. Of course, the memory for my old laptop won’t post in my new laptop, so I’m back to memory shopping this week. Technically, there wasn’t anything wrong with the old laptop. It was slow and a little thin on hard drive real estate, but it worked. My only bone (and it was a dinosaur bone) was the Fisher Price video card that prevented me from displaying a desktop resolution greater than 1024x768. I hadn’t been subjected to that sort of Reader’s Digest print in over 5 years prior to that machine. I’m the guy that thinks 1600x1200 is barely enough space. I like to have all sorts of information on the screen at once. A multitasker. So, if nothing else, this is an uplift for that and I’m grateful. I spent most of the day trying to transfer data between the old laptop and the slightly less old laptop. It was like watching water boil.

The Burden Brothers are playing the Old Town Spring Crawfish Festival this Saturday. w00t. Look for me there if you go.

Mary Mae Lenore Forsyth was born on 4/16/07 at 7pm after 15 hours of labor… 7lbs and 11oz. Congratulations to the proud parents, Le Easter and Guy Forsyth.

Speaking of shows, I received my Nora Jones tickets in the mail today. She was one of Erin’s favorite artists and happens to be playing Jones Hall on EL’s birthday this year. I don’t know what kind of shape I’ll be in that day. I bought two orchestra seats… one for me and one for her. I’m taking my mother in her stead. I’m glad I’m sitting close to the stage since I likely won’t be able to see through the tears.

“like a flower waiting to bloom
like a light bulb in a dark room
i’m just sitting here waiting for you
to come on home and turn me on

like the desert waiting for the rain
like a school kid waiting for the spring
i’m just sitting here waiting for you
to come on home and turn me on

my poor heart, it’s been so dark
since you’ve been gone
after all, you’re the one who turns me off
but you’re the only one who can turn me back on

my hi-fi is waiting for a new tune
my glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes
i’m just sitting here waiting for you
to come on home and turn me on
turn me on”

“There will come a day
When you would have lived your life
All the way through,
Mine long gone.
And peace will descend then,
Such a great peace, like a breath
Moving those pines, moving
Even the stone.
And then, then I can let go.”

After one in the morning and I am completely and indisputable awake. I was fatigued this afternoon… weary. Work was not overly stressful, but I physically felt run down as if I’d been carrying the plow’s yoke about me all day. Just as I was arriving home, it began to rain. The skies grew darker and the weather sealed the fate of any chance there was of convincing myself to go to the gym. I should have napped, but I can’t remember what happened next. I think I worked from the house for a little while longer before settling into an acceptable position on the couch for a few more Firefly episodes. I great wave of sadness swept over me just as I laid down to attempt sleep and then it was gone… not the sadness, but rather the notion sleep was achievable. Sitting on the floor of a quiet, dark house… so big and lonely… talking to my pets to break the silence. I think try again now. Sleeping pills and round two. There goes the ding of the bell.

Arrrg! I got my TexMex fix after all, but now I feel all guilty about the dastardly diet detour. We had a new systems engineer start today and thusly, we all went out to lunch for a real sit-down meal. I ordered the fajita skirt steak with cheese and fresh serrano, jalapeño, and habanero slices on top complete with refried beans and spanish rice. My tummy is so so happy, but I feel like I need to stick a straw in my torso and lipo. I have to go give an technical orientation/training presentation to the FNG now. I like him. So far, he’s given me the impression that he’ll fit right in. Tick tock. I need to get out of here… it’s much too nice outside to be at work.

ps. Does anyone know where to purchase Naga Jolokia in the US?

I tried Diet Coke Plus today. It tastes the same as Diet Coke made with carbonic acid and NutraSweet (aspartame). Which is good, because the versions made with Splenda are way too sweet for me. I don’t like any of the “Zero” products… again, too sweet. I can get used to the European and Middle Eastern formulas using phosphoric acid as long as they are still sweetened with aspartame. Given the sodium content is the same, I’ll probably start buying the “Plus” version. Count me as one of the sheep that fell for the marketing. Speaking of counting sheep, I’m going to try that now. Well, I’m going to take some Diphenhydramine HCl and see how many sheep can jump the fence before I doze off.