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In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said "Yea," and woman said, "And another one with sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And woman went from size 6 to size 14. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And man and woman unfastened their belts following the repast. God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then brought running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained pounds. Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And man gained pounds. God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And man replied, "Yea! And super size 'em." And man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs I'm sick... been in bed or some sort of horizontal self-pity position all day long. Henry, on the other hand, is dandy. Perhaps I need some of those pricey shots?

I get home from work this afternoon to a foul stench permeating the house. I begin my search to find a pool of something indiscernible. It may have been diarrhea, it may have been puke... it may have been both on the foyer tile. I struggled not to gag just approaching it. As the mystery unraveled, it became clear that Sir Henry was sick. It appeared to be self inflicted as he ate something that didn't agree with him. He was wheezing and shaking as I've never seen. My first thought was poison. I scoured the living space looking for something that could be causing his reaction... or the remnants of something. The closest I could find were chewed pieces of dried seed pods and some pine cones that were part of a holiday basket Camron gave us last year to serve as kindling. They were coated in wax and some sort of decorative color, but I didn't think it was toxic. Long story short, $270.00 worth of exams, x-rays, IV pain killer, meds, etc. later, Henry is home and resting. Erin and I had plans for a nice dinner out tonight. There's nothing like a $300.00 tummy ache to kick that straight in the nuts.

Once upon a time there was this boy wandering the Desert of Ro. His camel had died and he'd long since shed all unnecessary gear... sacrificing weight and protection for a chance at survival. Death was all around him. Harpies and cobras were just the beginning. There were swirling winds brought alive by the evilest of magic. There were wandering beasts with appetites more fierce than that of his own aching belly. He knew not the way home, but knew with certainty the Sun Spires of Kromtorr far on the western horizon led to the death and despair of the raptor clan and exiled giants wielding the might of their ancient ancestors. The southern long and dusty road was thick with great sabertooths and without his armor he would be no match for even their young. There was only one choice left... shown to him by the craggy and impassible cliffs off Prophets Peak to the east... north to the sea. It was the only way. He meditated for a moment to regain some energy. There were nothing but crumbs left in the satchel holding his savory caiman jerky. He winced under the pang of hunger with each focused step. After several hours as the shards of Luclin were becoming more prominent against the starry Norrathian sky, he met the sea. With barely the strength to prevent falling to his demise, his bare fingers bled as he made the decent to the island of the mighty sisters Naga. They looked on with fortunate indifference as he courageously continued in search of some shelter before the cold chill of the desert night wrapped him in a shawl of death. He knew tomorrow would reveal salvation if he could just weather the evil night. Sheer terror overcame him as the faintest siren whispers were carried in on the evening fog now rolling upon the island. Adrenaline shot through his body and the blood in his veins boiled bringing him visions of raging berserker battle cries and better, more valiant times. He began to run... his legs carrying him without his will or understanding. He knew the sirens would not let him wake from their lullaby. There was a small cave just ahead with the glimmer of life inside... hope inside. He adjusted his course, his pace slowed due to utter exhaustion, he arrived at the entrance just as he collapsed completely spent. In almost a dream state, he shifted his eyes upward to the pedestal before him in the cave. It was ornate with deep magic scribing and suspended a shimmering mirror lined with golden cherubs, platinum lattice, and jewels. It had been many seasons sine he scribed the teachings of the ancient magic's words, but he could manage to piece together the pedestal's message... it said, "All your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free... enter here and find the Court of Double Dave's Pizza Works." He knew he was saved. I stopped at Sundale this morning for jalapeño and cheese kolaches for the office. Sundale is a small bakery on my way to work that happens to have fabulous kolaches compared to competing bakeries in the area. They sell the last kolache as I walk in, but promise there are more in the oven to be ready soon. I wait. The ladies behind the counter eye me with guilt and uneasiness as if I were going to stroll out to the truck for an AK-47 to reign fiery retribution upon them for not having any kolaches available when I arrived. They tried to make small talk and jokes. They offered me free baked goods. I just wanted to be left alone and peacefully wait for the oven to ding so I could get on with my Friday. I'm really sick... again. I'm coughing and wheezing. I have a terrible sore throat that lasts through mid-morning and then subsides until around 6:00 pee emm. WTF is that all about? I went through the drive through at Starbucks this morning for some automatic drip coffee... usually not very good from them, but it contains vitamin caffeine and that makes up for the ill flavor. I missed the window in a little vignette that may have well been a Nyquil commercial. I didn't feel like being polite to the barista, so I wrote a note on a napkin and handed it to her when I got to the window. "Venti coffee of the day, please." Surely, my morning crabbiness would have lashed out if I spoke after seeing her flare. She had at least 15 pieces of flare. An underachiever. I have been staring at my study material all morning with not a lick of progress. I can't concentrate. I peer past the ink as if there is something in the paper behind it... you know, read a page and then don't remember what you just read. It obviously isn't jiving with my schedule. I have 2 weeks before attempt number 1 at my recert. Friday the 13th seemed like a fitting day. Sip some coffee. Think about being somewhere else. It is Friday after all...

"We taste terrible." - The winner of the Space Show's first ever message to space competition. Thursday is like Diet Friday... Friday Light... all the great taste without the calories. So I started preparing for my recert yesterday. Wowsers! I have lost a lot of chops. The office is quiet this morning and I'm hoping to get some fantastical study time in today. I've spent right at $100 on study material on top of the 300 bones it costs to make a single attempt at the written qual, so hopefully it's put to good use. In addition to my usual IM reachability info, I started a Jabber account because the client I ran across also allows direct RSS feeds so I can have multiple news, blogs, etc. flavored sites all clickie in one spot. I am ditching the client for this one reason and this alone: Inability to minimize to the trey or to go away and run in the background. I *hate* those little task bar buttons. These days, if you code small client software the is intended to be a background process and don't add the ability to banish it from my sight, then you won't have me as a customer. EVER. Lemmie drink some more coffee and get some study time in before I rant about how I'm getting sick again. Happy New Year and shit.

Whateth hath been up? Yo. I have become the poster child for Lazy Bloggers of America. I know it, so don't even worry about riding my ass about it. Partly, my RealLife™ has become routine and typing my thoughts here slipped through the cracks when I was settling into the rut. Secondly, no one reads this anyway, so I feel like I can simply post my bucket-o-dung in my head and safe the hunting and pecking at the keyboard. My grandmother was hospitalized just before Christmas for a seizure that they initially thought was a stroke. As the holiday approached, she regained her health and was released. It wasn't a stroke, but she is definitely on thinner ice than ever before. It's hard to see such a wonderful lady losing nature's battle. My grandfather was the most painful to witness as he grew close to death. Such a strong and proud man facing his mortality. I dread the thought of that inevitable day. Wow. I didn't mean to take such a grim turn in my flow here... umm... Christmas. Yeah, so EL and I went to visit my family on the coast for Christmas. I have to admit, it was probably the smoothest and most drama-free Christmas we've had down there since I was a kid. My mom and step-dad purchased a little Shangri-La of land outside Goliad. It's about 15 acres with wooded groves and small meadows. It has a pond... or, if you are southern in upbringing, a tank. We spent most of Monday there before returning to the Houston metroplex. Urs and Sandra had their baby over the holidays as well... 3 weeks early. Little Aline was a surprise to us all, but healthy and as beautiful as her mother, I'm sure. I was very sick the week of the birth, so I've yet to see the baby. I was hoping to go this week, but I woke up this morning with a sore throat. I'd rather be safe. My company is growing like a weed. There is a new sales Director starting today (read: my boss's boss) and more sales teams being hired and started this month. It's exciting in that I am part of it all, but at the same time, it's a little disappointing to see the change. I really enjoyed the sanctuary of a disengaged from corporate atmosphere. My career is evolving yet again. My CCIE recert is due in April. I've really been slacking when it comes to keeping up with technology specific to Cisco. I registered for the exam (read: $300.00) and spent about a hundred bucks on study material to review over the coming weeks. Last time I re-cert'd, I took the IP technologies recert... it was pretty easy because it was limited to core IP technologies like OSPF, RIP, EIGRP, BGP, ISIS, etc. That test was discontinued, so I have to take the full R&S qual exam. It's no big deal, just more to brush up on and that equates to time. Time is my most valuable commodity these days. I am skipping the New Year's resolutions (again) this year. I don't think they are ever realistic anyway. No one sticks to them to fruition. I would like to go back to college this calendar year and finish my degree. It will probably take me a couple years, but getting started is on my to-do list for this year. Obviously, my recert is on the fast track. I'd like to get back in the gym on a regular basis as well... not so much to lose weight or anything, but just to not be so tired all the time. All in good time. I have a ton of things to do this morning so I need to run. My head hurts.

Friday night started the weekend off on the right foot. Urs and Sandra met us at Sam Bochi for a nice meal and live jazz. Ted's holiday fragfest was Saturday. We experienced the typical patch issues that come with any LAN event, but when it was all squared away, it was on like Donkey Kong. BF2 was the entrée, but there were spacklings of this and that in the periphery. The most notable discovery of the day was Quake 4. Oh my my... imaging the fast paced skill intensity and pure playability of Quake 3 Arena combined with the Doom 3 graphics engine. The game is a MUST HAVE for the first person shooter. Trust me... iD did not fuck this up. I'm thoroughly impressed. Sunday was a lot of me feeling tired and sickly. I am in the pre-cold stage and it's generally unpleasant. My grandmother was hospitalized for pneumonia late last week, but seems to be doing better back at home now. We are going through firewood at the house like donuts at a police station. I am sleepy per usual and am already thinking about crawling back in bed this evening. I can't wait.

1. If you spot an enemy before he sees you, chances are you will die. 2. The probability of killing someone is inversely proportional to how much you want to kill him. 3. For every good thing done, something bad happens. 4. If you see a bunch of easy targets in front of you, you will miss all of them and die. 5.You have a better chance of throwing a handfull of sniper rifle bullets and killing the enemy, than shooting them at him . 6.For every one enemy you kill with mines, you will kill 2 friendlies and they will both punish the TK . 7.Idiots have a unique pheromone receptor which can sense a friendly arty strike. Once initiated they run to the center of the strike like moths to a flame, thrust their noses in the air and put there finger on the PgDn button ready for the climax! 8.Thou shalt always respawn into an arty strike or a massive unfriendly assault and die before you can do anything. 9.A dune buggy slowly slipping down a gentle slope is the most brutal and deadly thing in the game if you're standing in its path. 10.When fleeing from an enemy, you will be shot to death, inches away from your cover. 11.when a gunner in a helo, chances are u got the worst pilot u can think of 12.When you have no money chances are your joystick will go funny. 13.If someone with an ak101 happens to glance at you, you will instantly die of fear. 14.No matter what weapon you carry, it will take over half a magazine to attempt to kill the guy that take you out with a three round burst or less. 15.Holding right mouse button when throwing a grenade changes throw length from feet to inches. 16.Even with the dexterity to balance the blade of his knife on his finger, a soldier will constantly miss when lunging to stab a stationary enemy. 17.Somehow, a man can take a 50.cal sniper round to the chest WITHOUT DYING. 18.Your pistol is a much better sniper rifle than your .50cal rifle 19.A crescent wrench can fix anything 20.You can raise a flag in a tank. 21.Seconds before you get your hard-earned Flag-Capture Point, an Enemy will pop up and kill you, giving the Capture Point to your Team-Mate . 22.After shooting an enemy Tank to low Health with your APC, your Gun will overheat and a Team-Mate will grab the kill, leaving you with not even a Kill-Assist. 23.You will never be able to swim away fast enough from an accidently drowned Jeep. 24.Claymores only kill foolish teammates. 25.If you want an enemy to abandon an armoured vehicle, run at it from the rear and let them see you doing it, they'll jump out. 26.No matter what, dephibulators cure all 27.the pinnacle of aviation technology cannot help a bomb hit its target 28.all vehicles have electrical armour plating, as when u touch it, ur dead 29.The more you press the 9 key to deploy a chute, the less likley the chute will deploy 30.You spawn right next to the enemy tank. 31.If you want to be a sniper you should choose Anti-Tank Class. 32.Just as you detonate the C4 on the UAV trailer, two to three teammates will drive up in a jeep right next to the detonation site. 33.No matter how much you shoot a guy parachuting down, he will never take any damage. And, when he gets down you are out of ammo and he kills you. 34.You are killed after a 10 minute run to an enemy flag, right before you reach it. 35.Water is extremly flamable and will cause vehicles to explode. 36.If your ina group and run into a single enemy, you WILL die first. 37.Confucious say: When commander drop supply crate from sky, look up or you will endure headache until next spawn 38.Confucious say: Man with handful of wheat will hit enemy more than with M229 SAW. 39.Spawning is more like a race to the heli. 40.A tank thats motionless while capturing a flag will wait until you run up behind it to plant C4 before the drivers cat steps on the S key and kills you. 41.Just after you found a great Spot to snipe from, while taking careful Aim at a Group of Enemies - you will be knifed from behind. 42.After taking a few well-aimed Shots at an Enemy, he will spin around and kill you with a single round from his MP5. 43.You must be the fattest person in the army as you cannot fit through a 3 foot wide gap between the bamboo 44.After throwing a pack of C4 ontop of a smoking tank, and pulling out detonator, the remaining C4 (in your pocket) will magically explode...every time. 45.If you are capping a flag alone in a tank the one enemy that manages to spawn in time will be a spec op... 46.If you are capping a flag and once it goes neutral you hear arty guns firing in the distance, run like #@$%!!! 47.If you need tank support, drop a mine on the road and a friendly tank will show up in no time... 48.If you respawn as an anti-tank the tank will have either disapeared or magiclly spawned many enemys' who know exactly where you respawned 49.When in need of medical aide call for a supply drop, the crate will be there in no time to crush you to death, thus ending your need for medical aide 50. Asking a Commander for ammo means he will send Artillery with the assumption you catch them and throw them at the enemy.

So here is a little update from the trenches. I am embittered by my poor financial planning of late. I had a few beers and more than a few fired food items for dinner this evening with some nifty friends I hadn't seen in a very long time. It was a pleasant and well received surprise. My EQ2 guild dinged 40 before any guild on my server today. I haven't really play computer games in a couple of days, but it's mostly been due to disinterest in all things not contributing to ripping my ginormous CD collection into my iTunes. Fuck you iTunes. If it weren't for my financial situation, I'd be like Ted and simply re-buy the albums digitally to avoid the effort involved in ripping them. There are a lot of bed movies in the world. Batman Begins is *not* one of them. I watched it last night and was really surprised they completely did not fuck it up. Bravo. I'm tired and cranky. I have a photo shoot tomorrow at 2:00. I am in the process of working two more shoots before I have to go back to work on Friday. It's the least I could do since I am not going out of town for my vacation days. 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund! , which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off ! all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 13. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 14. Glibido: All talk and no action. 15 Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

I have been doing a whole lot of nothing and I plan to keep it that way. I left the house today to shoot a local soccer game, but other than that I've been a hermit. Yay me.