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I've been thinking about cutting the highlights out of my hair. I put them in originally because I like the way they look when their all chunky and obvious, but I want to try something different. I joke around with my friends about shaving my head however, let me clarify... I am joking. I would look like a 7 year of Hari Krishna enthusiast if I did that... trust me, I know what I look like bald. It sucks to be a man of your word when you lose a bet. No, I won't post the picture, but it's in the archives somewhere if your that fucking masochistic. I thought about dying my hair black... really, really black. I don't know about that either. Right now, I'm leaning toward cutting the highlights out and going back to my natural color which is the brown undertone you see in pictures of me with A LOT of salt-n-peppa mixed in... I'm getting to be gray like George Clooney... lol. I laugh when I get my hair cut. It freaks the stylist out to see me with all the gray hair because I look young for my age other than that... I'm easily amused. Anyhoo, just a random thought.

I am elated at the ease of ordering prints of various sizes now via online digital camera services. I signed up for a Fotki account this morning and look forward to having some fun with my new camera. I uploaded some old scans and stuff just to get a feel for the interface and it's really easy. Two thumbs up for Fotki. Anyhoo, this morning has been cake. I slept well last night... I dreamed happy dreams and actually remember some of them. I usually don't remember my dreams... and when I do, they are almost always really weird. I had non-weird dreams last night. Good dreams. My vacation time for New Year's got approved and Sean is flying into town. We are going to the Toadies show in Dallas together on the 30th... Deep Ellum Live is going to rock.

I worked late again. It's been a terribly long day and I was ready for it to end. Sam came by the office and picked me up for drinks and dinner. He brought Cubans and we stopped at Downing Street for a drink and to catch up. After Downing Street, we stopped by Blanco's on the way to my house to say hello to Joe and Dirk. I was in a hurry to get home to call EL, but she called me before I made it there... the events of the day and the course of my evening were instantly changed. I don't think I can stop smiling. I'm going to bed.

I started this blog on May 12th of this year... Mother's Day. I used to have this website (13th Stone) that was bloggish in a Slashdot sort of way, but non-personal. I kept technical news entries and updates on patches or RPM updates... shit like that... anyhoo, the site became hard to maintain over time and I felt myself slipping. I would not update as frequently or would lean towards venting my personal opinions rather than just posting "the facts". So, I stopped. It was right about the time that I decided to no longer maintain 13thstone.com that I had some serious server issues. I switched platforms, upgraded OS, hardware, etc. and decided that if I were to ever restore my databases, I would continue with a more informal format that consisted of me writing about what I wanted to write about and not relaying third party information. Even though this existed only in a loose plan, I had discovered blogging and never even knew it. While I fumbled through getting my mail server and name server up and functioning again, I surfed a bit here and there and started seeing weblogs that linked to other weblogs that linked to other weblogs... and realized that this was exactly the sort of thing I was thinking about and there was a electronic subculture already in existence that could guide my efforts in setting it up. So, rather than using vi and ftp to put my thoughts into Net space, I found out about different tools that are common knowledge in the blogging community, but were completely foreign to me. Originally using Blogger and having no commenting capability, I jumped in with both feet and started typing. Now, after migrating through 3 publishing tools and 2 commenting systems and 212 days later, this is my 1000th post... that averages to 4.77 posts per day. Maybe I post too much, but it's been a great way for me to put my thoughts down in a archivable, journaled format that is easily accessible. I started writing just for me and continue to write for me, but I value the comments and feedback of the visitors to my site too. I go through stages in my writing... sometimes humorous, sometimes emotional, sometimes creative, mostly crap... but it's something that I've grown to love doing. I don't know how long I'm going to keep blogging, but I just wanted to share that these first 1000 posts (to me) have been worth each keystroke.

It's quiet this morning. It felt good to sleep in my own bed last night... even if it was only a few short hours. Penny and Bianca were affection starved and elated to see me. I worked late and by the time I ate and got home, it was too late for Éclair to get dropped off, but she's coming home today from the sitter. I stopped at Chez Satan on the way into the office this morning and the line was 35 people deep. Un-fucking-believable. I was kicking myself for not having my camera with me because that would have made a great photo... almost as good as the photo of the sign hanging in the Starbucks window by my house that said "Coffee machine is broken - No coffee". I dig Elvis Costello. I am anxious to find out this afternoon if there is a conflict for New Years time off between me and the other engineers in the core group here. If not, I'm going back to Colorado Springs for New Years. I took one of those cheesy quizzes over at Gil's site. According to the quiz, I'm Rob Gordon. I hate those things, but I like John Cusack, so what the hell. The administrative assistant that sits down the hall outside my office brought in all kinds of candy this morning. I am not real big on sweets, but one of the items was a bag of Poppycock-ish stuff that reminded me of my grandfather. Papa Doc used to love that stuff. I miss him. My morning coffee has been quite eventful actually... two meetings later I barely feel like I'm waking up. I am meeting Micah for lunch at the dumpling place. I'm going to see if he'll order an eggroll and get kung-fu'd by the register guy. Long story. I went and bought some stationary and envelopes. I decided to send her a (non-electronic) letter each day. I question sometimes if I remember how to write traditionally. Email has conditioned me such that this will be an effort... I just hope she can read my handwriting. I need some more caffeine. Yes, please... I'll have another.

"Crimes of Paris" - Elvis Costello
I thought it was you and your optimist’s view of the clock
And how it’s always another day
Just after twelve o’clock’s struck
You said “Now I only want you so I don’t have to promise”
But tiny children in grown-up clothes whispered all the Crimes of Paris

You’re not the girl next-door or a girl from France
Or the cigarette-girl in the sizzle hot-pants
All the words of love seem cruel and crass
When you’re tough and transparent as armoured glass
You’re everywhere girl in an everyday mess
Who’ll pay for the Crimes of Paris

I heard that you fell for the “Hell or to Hammersmith Blues”
In the tiny torn up pieces of his mind he’s irresistible too
Now it’s hard to say now if he’s only stupid or smart
When he crawled through the door
And poured out more of his creeping-Jesus heart

You’re not the girl next-door or a girl from France
Or the cigarette-girl in the sizzle hot-pants
All the words of love seem cruel and crass
When you’re tough and transparent as armoured glass
You’re everywhere girl in an everyday mess
Who’ll pay for the Crimes of Paris

And it’s all here and now
She hit him with that paper-weight Eiffel Tower
And I tried to hold on to you but I don’t know how
And I find it hard to swallow good advice
Like going down three times to only come up twice

She’s so convenient, he’s always stiff as hair-lacquer
It’s hard to discover now he’s in love with her
It was her way of getting her own back
You never did anything she couldn’t do on her own
You’re as good as your word and that’s no good to her
You’d better leave that kitten alone

You’re not the girl next-door or a girl from France
Or the cigarette-girl in the sizzle hot-pants
All the words of love seem cruel and crass
When you’re tough and transparent as armoured glass
You’re everywhere girl in an everyday mess
Who’ll pay for the Crimes of Paris

There's something about work calling in the middle of the night to drag your ass out of bed to fix something that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside. Yeah... that's it.

green and blue go well together, no?

I'm still at the office rev'ing the operating systems of various network gear that will receive config changes at midnight tonight... there is a light at the end of the tunnel however... I can see it.

I think.

I glanced out the window of the plane and started thinking about how cool fractal-esque patterns in nature are... I took a snapshot to share because 1) I dig this stuff... and B) I like caressing my new camera. Heh.





I sat with Clive Staples Lewis on my flight back from the Springs this morning. We shared some terrible airline food over a few pages of well written thought. I overheard a portly dad teaching his son the ways of commercial airline sheistiness... "You know boy, if you ask for the weird stuff like ginger ale, they give you the whole can." Thanks dad. I hate that my emotions bleed over into this blog. I have things on my mind that I want to journal about and sometimes forget that I am not the only one reading this... I think I'm going to try to cut back on the personal blogging and keep my entries a bit further from the emotional introspection that sometimes sneaks a few sentences in here or there... I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes. December is an incredibly busy month for me... both at work and at home. After Christmas, I plan on spending as much time as possible in Colorado. My resume is almost updated. I don't know what I'm doing. I just know it feels right. I drank quite a few shots last night on a semi-empty stomach. I don't have the energy right now to recount my evening, but the highlight was (of course) spending some time with EL. I also met this tiny little dog that liked to eat my hair. I wrote drunken hoo-ha poetry... which usually is never for anyone but me... but these days my thoughts are finding their way back to a special someone more and more often. I sang Harry Connick Jr. karaoke. Stop laughing. I picked up a cheesy bar nickname from the local Colorado bar-flies. No, you don't need to know what it is. I didn't sleep well last night at all... I kept waking up and could never get comfortable... just like the last time I was leaving Springs. It was much harder to go this time. I need to drink more water. My lips are killing me... it's so hard to keep them protected in the dry atmospheric conditions in Colorado. I sat slightly behind and across from a woman carrying an infant that was completely passed out for most of the trip. A tiny baby hand was sticking out in the aisle with tiny baby fingers wiggling around as (apparently) dreams of good things were transpiring. I watched those little fingers wiggle with fascination for some time... kids are amazing. My seat was the closest seat to the turbines driving the plane and it was uncomfortably hot because no one would turn on their little air thingies. I took a cab to the office upon arrival and it looks like I'm going to be working for a while. There were more layoffs today while I was enroute back... people I knew... people that I didn't think would get laid off. No one is safe. Welcome to the X-Files. I'm really sleepy... really, really sleepy.

How can tomorrow be Monday already? It somehow doesn't seem fair to me that time doesn't work in my favor. I want to cash in my motherfucking karma check and collect.

Now.

My mind skips around a little when I think about the last couple of days. It's very surrealistic for me since I am exactly where I want to be right now, but I know I can't stay. It's not like anything changes within me when I leave... the best part of me stays here while I'm away... waiting for me to pick it back up when I return. It's the part of me that knows what is truly important in life. It's the part of me that doesn't want to go back to the rote motions of working so hard for all the wrong reasons. There's a huge canvas covered with the paint of my experience and emotion that I happen to be looking at as I type this... one that obviously no one else can see, so I understand how this can sound confusing, random, or misguided. I know and that's all that's important. Yesterday was good. ErinLynn, Christina, and I sat around over coffee and shared sleepy words until ErinLynn had to leave for work at noon. Cristina and I went through a few hundred gallons more coffee before hitting the grocery store for dinner ingredients. She is a fabulous cook. I haven't been playing my guitar much recently and the calluses were coming off my fingertips... the dry air is really hard on my skin up here too... it's completely different than the moist coastal environment I've become accustom to over my life, but something I would be willing to get used to... someday. Other than a few years in New York, I have always lived near the ocean or in a very humid atmosphere. I had a few extra minutes to run into town after the shopping was done and my intent was to swing by the downtown office and pick up a IP via encrypted wireless from outside and publish some bloggage since I've been sans net connection since I've been here, but I ended up getting a manicure instead. Christina called with a few things we forgot earlier and I really wanted to stop by ErinLynn's work to see her, so I was in a hurry. As corny as it is given the circumstance, I miss her when she's away... it would be so much easier for me if I didn't... but I do. When ErinLynn got off work, we all sat down for the great dinner that Christina had prepared. The table was covered with confetti... which later became art and weaponry. The rest of the night was spent in conversation at that table. Everything is quiet this morning. Everyone is still asleep upstairs. The house is covered in confetti. Life is good.

My plane arrived at 10:40 without issue and I was surprised to find the weather in Houston when I left was significantly colder than the weather in Colorado Springs when I landed. After retreiving my luggage, I went outside to wait. I didn't really know much about the Olympic Training Facility other than I heard people mention it in conversation... I didn't know where it was or really what it was about, but I was asked several times at the airport if I was here to go to the OTF. I'm not sure what that's all about because I wasn't wearing or accompanied by anything that might lend my appearance to that of an athlete. I wasn't there long before she showed up to pick me up. It's hard for me to explain what I was thinking and feeling as I saw her walk across the parking lot toward me. I was surprised that I was actually back here after only a week away. I was happy and excited at the thought of seeing her again and spending time with her. I was stunned and amazed at how incredibly breathtaking she was... and when she smiled I knew that even if I had to turn around and get back on the plane right at that instant, my trip was worth it. I feel really odd in saying this about her because we don't know each other well, but every day that I was not here in Colorado, I thought of her often and missed her a lot. At least some part of every day since I last saw her was spent trying to find some way to shorten the distance between us. There are no jobs in my field here and my company will not transfer me. The thought of something so special and rare happening to me and me being powerless to do anything about it haunts me. I've gone over the numbers a hundred times. Between the money and trying to get days off work, I'll be lucky if I can find a way to fly here twice a month. It seems to me the only thing I can offer her is my long distance friendship and honestly, that hurts... because I feel something so much beautiful could be there between us someday if we only had a chance. I guess I'll just keep being me. The fate of my heart is not for me to decide anyway. After we left the airport, we went back to her and Christina's apartment where Christina and Bob were starting their day. We all hung out and talked for a bit before Christina prepared this HUGE breakfast. Breakfast food is good anytime... morning, noon, or night. Wendy (Christina's sister) came over and we all sat down for a great meal. The food was good, but the thing that really stood out in my mind was the conversation. I believe that sharing time with the people you are sharing the meal with is what eating together is all about. Society has drifted this from the norm in our generation. This afternoon breakfast was what sitting down to eat together is all about. Sarah showed up afterwards to talk with ErinLynn and I made a few calls to coordinate picking up the company car I had last time. That evening, the four of us met Eddie for dinner at this restaurant/jazz club named e-City that Christina's brother owned/operated. ErinLynn had to work for a little while last night, so after dinner she went to work and I went out with Bob and Christina for a while. I met a few new people that I didn't have the opportunity to meet before and had a good time. I was really happy when ErinLynn got off early. It was late, cold, and we were both tired. I probably wasn't much company for her at that point because I had a terrible stomach ache and was exhausted from little sleep over the last week, but just being there with her was enough for me. We ended up back at her and Christina's where Christina made chocolate milkshakes and we sat in the living room talking about random hoo-ha. It was one of those winding down feeling where everyone wants to stay up and keep talking but everyone's eyelids are heavy and fighting stardust. At one point, ErinLynn fell asleep on the couch... she looked so peaceful and beautiful... I could have watched her sleep for hours. We all decided that it was definitely sleepytime, so we parted toward that end. I don't think my head was on the pillow more than a few seconds before I was out. I would say that before long I was dreaming, but honestly... with her, I felt like I'd been dreaming all day.

Gawd I'm tired. I'm maintaining consciousness by clinging to the traces of caffeine remaining from my 3 shots of espresso on the way to the airport. I guess Friday morning flights aren't that common because the terminal is Langolier empty. In true zombie fashion, I sleepwalked through the security checkpoint without removing the keys from my pocket... thus instigating the airport's elite squad of friskers attacking me. Satisfied that I wasn't carrying weapons grade plutonium or nail clippers (equally dangerous these days), they allowed my passage. I lost a ring last night. I'm really upset about it because it had great sentimental value. It was given to me a few years ago by a friend of mine that I never see anymore. I wore it everyday. I don't know where or at what time it fell off my hand, but I fear that it is lost forever. In step with my typical corniness, I think may be a sign that I should focus on the future more and the past less... or it could just mean I lost a ring. I think I'm suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome resulting from doing laundry at five this morning. I completely forgot about the pomegranate that I planned to eat and am now realizing that I should eat. In-flight pretzels and peanuts are hardly filling... then again, airport food is not a comfortable thought either. The last time I suffered from food poisoning was from a meal at IAH. It was weird seeing frosted rooftops this morning. I'm hungry. (7:52CST)

I think I power napped for about 10 minutes just after takeoff. The sound of a coke can being opened prompted my pressed, red marked, indented forehead to rise and take survey of what was going on. Pretzels and Diet Coke... brunch of champions (when at 35000 feet). I felt slightly refreshed, but still weary from this past week of poor sleep habit. Last night, after I got off work, Joe, Dirk, and I went to Blanco's Bar and Grill to imbibe a few tasty alcoholic beverages. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch and eighty or so dollars of Jack Daniels on an empty stomach was enough to do the trick. I ran into Jazmin. She's a friend of Flavie's that I have not seen in forever. I never would have expected to see her at a country bar, but I guess her new man was into it and she was there with him. Of course, I wouldn't expect to see me at Blanco's either, but it's a good change of pace... and it's Joe and Dirk's old hangout, so they know everyone and everyone knows them. They keep fucking with the cabin pressure and it's making me dizzy. I wonder if there is some kinda problem with the pressure regulation system. The lady that ended up in the seat next to me is also working at a laptop... there's about as much elbow room as a right handed person eating on the port side of a left handed person. The sky is anything but overcast, so I can clearly see the white earth below. I'm looking forward to snow again, but not as much as I'm looking forward to seeing ErinLynn. (11:02CST)

It is freezing! and entirely too cold. Did I mention it was freezing? Holy shit. It's really, really early too. I thought I learned my lesson last time about purchasing early morning airline tickets. Apparently not. I have 45 minutes before my Pakistani airport shuttle is going to be here, sleepy eyes, and slightly fuzzy head. I drank a little much last night. Joe called me at 11:30 last night to ask me if he forgot me and left me at the bar. He was the one that dropped me at my house. Insane. I need to do a bit of creative packing this morning. I didn't want to take a suitcase, but now that I consider the alternative, it's much better to check everything and simply travel unencumbered by carry-on. I not used to that. Ugh! I wish I hadn't drank quite so much last night. Maybe... just maybe... I wouldn't feel like my eyes only blinked when my head hit the pillow.