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Speechless. Sean and I just pulled up from Dallas. Fuck. Tired. Amazed. I want to sleep, but I am to be in Colorado in a few hours. No, you don't understand... I need to be in Colorado in a few hours.

I miss you EL... so very much...

Pressed Against The Sky (Toadies)
If this is a dream I'm happy you're having it with me
I will stay and savor the way you move me
Don't want to miss one detail, one sweet smile from your lips
One kiss sets me adrift

Chase the stars as they fall down and light up where you are
They are yours for the keeping
Trace the curves of the sheets
A riddle of desire when I watch you sleeping

Pressed against the sky, eyes wide open...
______________

It's almost time. I need to change into the notorious Deep Ellum pink shirt and some jeans and politely wad my business casual corporate uniform into a ball and stuff it in the boot. Sean and I are going to judge the drive time to Dallas by the number of times we can listen to Live from Paradise on the way there... boo-yah! Look out Dallas! Here we come!

It was great to see Sean again. EL (via phone) and I greeted him at IAH yesterday afternoon after an on-time arrival. He and I snacked on some left-overs at my place before heading to Downing Street for some red apple 'tinis. Sean is an apple martini connoisseur. I prefer the real thing personally... clean, dry, and beautiful... oh yeah, with some of those sexy little bitches in a toothpick swimming happily in my glass. Kim's best friend (Lara) was in town from Dallas and since my best friend (Sean) was in town from Los Angeles, we thought we'd exchange introductions. I'd never met Laura and neither of them had met Sean, so we met up at Taco Milagro for a quick margarita before I had to go for my hair appointment with Jazmin. EL called and got to talk to drunk Kim on the phone... who was eager to take it upon herself to explain how useless I am to be around without her here. An unsolicited exaggeration that was meant to be a joke, but you know the old cliché about how most true things are said in jest... honestly, not a moment goes by in my day that I don't wish EL was next to me. I guess I never realized how transparent I was around my friends here in Houston when it comes to that... I don't really talk about it with them. I guess I'm not such good company these days when my mind and heart are always 850 miles away from what's going on here. Anyhoo, I wasn't too specific about what I wanted done to my hair... I just let her do it. Jazmin has always been great with it and I trust her. As you can see, it's a little more blonde that I initially anticipated, but it is very well blended. I was on the fence about chucky or not chucky... she did chunky last time, so I guess she decided that this time it would be oh-so-not chunky. Oh well. I just hope EL doesn't hate it. That's really all I care about. Fotki finally temporarily unfucked my account, so you can see the horrid photos of my hair extravaganza over there. Later last night, Irfan, Sean, and I went over to Kim's apartment where she and Gil were playing with her new cat. She just adopted yesterday. I was completely exhausted and ready for bed, so I called it an early night and Sean and I went home for some sleep. I called EL because I missed her so, but I woke her up and feel terrible about that... but her voice being the last thing I hear before falling asleep is almost as good as her voice being the first thing I hear when I wake up. Tomorrow... just one more day. Please hurry.

I like going to the Galleria when all the stores are closed and no one is there... just to walk around and think. I like waterfalls immensely. I like it when the traffic lights all turn at just the right instant to let me through without slowing or stopping. I often wonder why I think of things at odd times in an out of place moment... like walking through the grocery store and suddenly thinking about how I like the toilet paper to unroll from below the roller and not above... or being at the bank and thinking about how cool it is when people make fences out of stacked stones. WTF? I'm sitting here debating my departure time to the airport to pick up Sean as my house is settled and quiet other than the occasional meow from Penny and a soft and steady Eddie Harris in the background. I never could make it back to sleep after the airline notification. I lost track of how many shots of espresso I've had this morning and my mind is racing. I would say my heart is racing from the caffeine as well, but I believe it to be from the short time between my physical existence in Houston and my physical existence in her arms... chronologically, that distance grows short. My sweet little dog has been following me around all day... right at my feet. I believe she knows that I'm about to take her to the sitter again. She likes to go play with Dixie and Étoile, but I know she misses me bunches when I'm away. I like the way the wind blows the leaves into patterns on my back porch. I like the ambient glow that diffuse sunlight creates in a window lined room. I like how it seems the pieces of my life connect to one another like a solving puzzle painting a beautiful scene when she softly speaks. I drove around this morning for a while. I still had a good friend's car that I borrowed yesterday to take Éclair somewhere. It's a pimp Cadillac that is all kinds of cushy on the ass and surrounding region. The little onboard computer is annoying as hell though... not a car for me. I'm a jeep guy. Actually, an early 70's Land Cruiser (when they had the jeepy body style) or an old International Scout is my idea of a Cadillac. I like to blow through cupped hands holding a taught blade of grass to make a little shrill grass-horn. I dislike watermelon seeds as much as I like watermelon. I like the way wood smells when it burns in a fireplace or campfire. Clowns freak me out. I love the way a guitar feels in my hands and against my body like I love the way a great wine kisses every taste bud in your mouth and tells you a story. My friend Jazmin is going to highlight and cut my hair this afternoon. I'm a little nervous about it because my hair is not cooperative most of the time as it is and a bad cut would be disastrous. The hair would win and I would lose... on the same magnitude of loss experienced if I entered my 5' 7.75" self into the Ultimate Fighting Championship. I don't care so much about how I look here or even the time it takes for my hair to unfuck itself after a bad cut... I just want to look good for the girl that stole my heart. Really, that's the only reason I'm concerned. I saw something a tiny bit disturbing this morning in town. There was a young man... maybe around 20... that was wearing low riding jeans similar to those women's low cut pants that you see occasionally that are cut such that the top of the panty (usually thong) is visible. The fact that he was wearing low riding jeans didn't bother me... but his not wearing any underpants and openly displaying his plumber's crack was unsettling. I hope this isn't going to become a fashion trend. Plumber crack wouldn't be so bad if guys' asses weren't so hairy. It's just not something the world needs to see in a casual social environment. Speaking of crack, I have some mildew in the cracks of my bathroom shower that I can't seem to get rid of recently. I think it's because I've been gone a lot and haven't been cleaning the shower as often as I do when I'm home and using it daily. I've tried all types of chemical cleaning products with no luck. I even ordered one of those Steam Buggy things off of a late night infocommercial and that didn't work. Maybe fire? Explosives? It's irritating because when I clean I get in this zone and I'm all over the house... this little spot of mildew id holding up my cleaning rhythm. I should be cleaning Salsa and Meringue and instead I'm cleaning a Waltz in cold molasses. I wish I had a juicy peach right now. I need to go to the airport. Aye caramba!

Sean and I spoke on the phone last night about his flight. "Sometime tomorrow" was the term used I believe... my cell phone started chirping this morning with a new text message (from the airline). LAX 8:15 a.m. Holy Schneikies! I hope he makes his flight because I was unable to reach him this morning to tell him that "sometime" is real soon. Now, I'm awake and I really want to go back to sleep. I don't like the interrupted sleep feeling. Ugh!

To post or not to post... that is the question. I'm tired. Content... or as so can be expected given circumstance... but yes. I never did fix Jean-Paul's computer problem. He bought a system with Linux pre-installed for an unbelievably cheap price. I would normally issue a kudos to him for the bargain and superior operating system choice however, in this case I had to succumb to the 800 pound gorilla and assist with a Windows installation since all his notation software runs only under Windows. Apparently the little powerhouse penguin doesn't cater to professional musicians quite yet. After a temporary defeat, I came home for some regrouping and planning of the later day. I spoke with EL throughout the day and if given the ability to choose without consequence, I would be in Colorado and in her arms as I type this now... however, I couldn't make that happen and needed to find a way to pass the time between now and Tuesday. Gil and I were invited to Katie and Chris's fondue dinner. It was fabulous. The wine, fondue, and company was great. After we fondue'd ourselves to a cheesy nirvana, Katie brought out a vat of molten chocolate and fresh strawberries for dipping. Every second of every day is spent in the duality of my experience and that of fantasizing my experiencing the same thing with her beside me. Given the amazing social events transpiring before me, I needed to call her and let her know that she was there with me... although the dinner continued, an hour on the phone seemed as minutes and I miss her even more than before I unsnapped the phone from my belt. Later, the group wanted more wine and we headed for the wine rack residing in a local retailer. This is where our paths split. I wanted to see Harry and wish him Happy Holidays before jetting off to Colorado again. They wanted to take the newly purchased fermented grape back to the bat cave for consumption. Goodnight my friends. I was politely dropped in the village where I stayed for no longer than 30 minutes. I exchanged holiday hoo-ha with Eric, Jennifer, Kate, and various other familiars that recognized and greeted me on my way to Harry. Harry and I sat and spoke for a few minutes before I hijacked a Yellow Cab (for ten smurfberries) back to the house. So here I am... headed for bed... missing her and wishing her all the best things in life. As for me, I am about to sink into some very comfy cotton sheets and bury myself in a thick, heavy comforter... and hope that I hear the phone when she calls tonight. Waking up to her voice is the best. Bon nuit.

Greg and I stopped by Mike's new place down toward the beach before dinner. His daughter is soooo cute. I didn't get to visit much with Mike between playing airplane with Angelle and finding creative ways to convince her to finish her dinner. She sat with me in this overstuffed chair in the den and settled into a very somber tone... as somber as you could expect from a four year old girl... and with serious eyes she started to speak,
"Clayton, I was so so so sad today."
"Why were you sad?", I asked.
"Because my daddy was gone at work all day and I missed him so much."
I quickly replied, "but your daddy is right here now..."
"I know!" (as giant smile stretches from ear to ear) "that's why now I am so happy!"
It was the most disgusting display of daddy's girl syndrome I've ever seen in my life... it was alllllllll about daddy...
if I ever have kids, they better be exactly the same way. Heh.
After Mike's, we drove downtown in search of spring rolls. I think we ate over a dozen spring rolls at Van Loc before our entrée even arrived. It was good to spend time with Greg again and it not be a wild and crazy night out like he and I used to end up falling into. It was a very laid back evening with good conversation. I thought a lot of about EL as I always do... and wished she had been with me the entire time. I sent her some mixed flowers yesterday... just because. I was home and in bed asleep by 10:30. I was so exhausted. I didn't even hear the phone ring last night (again). She called me this morning and woke me up and I can't tell you how much I miss her voice being the first thing I hear in the morning. Really. Anyhoo, before I get any more sappy, I need to run. I promised Jean-Paul I would work on his computer today and I'm a man of my word, so off I go... despite the fact that I probably won't be able to "fix" his problem. Happy Saturday! Only 3 days to go!

There should be a sniglet for when you publish a blog post and don't have time to insert links you want, so you have to go back later to do it... or when you are reading a previous post and you realize that what you typed totally doesn't convey what you were thinking at the time. Sometimes, I read what I write later and don't know what the hell I was talking about. Sniglets. The world needs more sniglets. Anyhoo, the day is winding down and I am eager to get out of the office. I received a phone call from my friend Greg (here in Houston, not Indiana Greg) just now. He and I have not seen each other in over two months. Every time we try to schedule a dinner, coffee, etc. to try to catch up, we have a conflict. I must admit, my trips to Colorado have been a large contributor in schedule inflexibility here in Houston, but I have no regrets. I think that most of my friends understand that EL has become the priority in my life when it comes to time allocation. Since I am in town this weekend and he happens to be here and off as well, we decided to seize the moment and have dinner together tonight. It's going to be great to see him again after so long, but I'm not feeling very festive right now. Actually, I'm a little bummed out that I'm not on a plane right now... I just keep telling myself "I can do this... it's just a few days". It's amazing how the perception of your daily life and activities change when you sit down and truly evaluate your priorities and uncover what really makes you happy and what doesn't. I am utterly amazed at how many things I thought were happy and fulfilling that really were just placeholders on the clock when I discovered what (and who) really fulfills me. I am at a really weird spot in my life right now because I honestly believe I know exactly what I want and need but seem to be looking at it from inside a bubble. How can I pop this bubble to get to the other side? I'm glad the weekend is here... sorta... honestly, I wish I could sleep straight through the weekend so that Monday will come faster. I don't think I can remember the last time I said such a thing!

Gil and I ate at Baba Yega for lunch. It was my first time there... very cool little bistro-esque environment. I had a smoked turkey and baked brie baguette garnished with a fresh salad and tangy pesto. We stopped by the book stop because Gil needed to pick up something and I needed to replace a book I gifted away this week. I think that's my favorite bookstore in town... very cool. I did something today that I am terribly against doing... I SPAMed an email to oodles of people. I hate SPAM. Blech! Anyhoo, EL and I are going to the Tejon Street Pub Crawl the weekend of February 22nd in downtown Colorado Springs and I had mentioned it to some peops in Houston that I thought might be interested in going. It was well received and the idea of telling a lot of people about it and letting them decide if they want to go or not was born. I don't SPAM mailing lists or distribution lists of people other than the occasional invite to a dinner outing or something of just a few people... not today baby! I ripped off Audra, Gil, Kim, and Irfan's distribution lists and fired away. I don't know who any of those people are, but I bet they’re all pissed at me now. LMAO. Touché pussy cat... I can dish it out as well as I can take it. I don't care. I'm tired of the "Your mailbox is over it's size limit" system administrator messages I get daily. I think I am going to do a mass-delete and start from scratch. Is the day over yet?

Last nights Toadies show was incredible. I worked my way up to front row center (or barrier compression position... whatever you wanna call it for general admin shows) as the set was starting. It was really weird for me to be so far away from Vaden at a show... lol... I forget sometimes how spoiled LAMF we Burden Brothers hawdcaws are sometimes. The show was excellent. In between some of the songs, the scattered BB fans in the crowd were screaming Dirty Sanchez and I caught Vaden smile and wink. That was one of my three favorite moments in the performance. They finished up the set and the crowd was going crazy... jumping, screaming, etc. Basically, it was your typical crazed fan rock show. Everyone was chanting "Toadies - Toadies" for an encore. A few moments pass... Vaden steps out onto the stage alone... he picks up his guitar and places the strap around his neck as he mentions something about not playing that guitar for over a year and a half... and what a fine guitar it was... you could hear a little nostalgia in his voice and the single spotlight hovering over him reflected off the red Toadies emblazed over the cross on the body of the guitar. He stepped up to the microphone... alone... the crowd (for the first time all evening) was silent and still... and then:

e