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sleepy... uhg! I really don't want to do this at this point in time. I really just want to sleep. Why can't I just sleep?

Holy shit. I made such a complete ass of myself tonight. I am never going to set foot in Blanco's again... period. Ever.

Addendum: It's not really that bad. I am just usually tasteful and tactful in the presence of those that require it and I was in a pissy mood yesterday from this whole house situation thing and kinda let that bleed through in how I said things without even realizing it. I was in the middle of a relatively important conversation and simple opened my mount and proceeded to shove both feet in with great force. I am more shocked than embarrassed. It's just not like me. Anyway, I still don't want to go into detail, but I think it best if I just steer clear of that establishment.

Yay Sun!
It's back and beckoning...

3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine... it's not just for breakfast anymore.
Where did this weather come from? It is pouring down rain outside after a beautiful, sunny morning. I like the rain... when I can appreciate the environment it provides... the sound, the feeling, change of textures and consistencies when everything gets wet. I don't like the rain when I'm sitting at my desk looking out the window and I hear nothing, I feel nothing, I see gray and icky. Yeah, I know... I'm weird. I'm a touchy-feely kinda of person. I think tasting your food is only a portion of the experience of eating. What does the food feel like in your mouth? What sounds do you hear while you are eating it? That's why I hate to go out to places with no "atmosphere". It sounds so trendy to say, but it has a genuine meaning to me. Sometimes, I'll find myself slowly touching something (like the grain of the wood on a table top) and not even realize until that point that I was lost in analyzing it... spooky. Anyhoo, looking at the shiny oil film on top of polluted downtown puddles and watching rain bounce off of the rusted window ledges covering the adjacent building's facing side is not my idea of a pleasant view. Raindrop ker-plunks making a stormy chaos on top of a woodland pond or watching the pattern of the wind in waves of surface texture just off the beach seems so much more appealing. I hope that this clears up before I leave for the day. (sigh...)

I ran across this MPEG of Michael Hedges this morning. It brought back memories of speaking with him in early 1997 at Waterside... he died in a tragic car accident just after Thanksgiving the same year. He was truly one of the most amazing and unique musicians that ever lived. I feel privileged to have met him.

I haven't had one of those bitchy little entries in a while... so, here goes: Fuck the legal system in the United States. I would absolutely love to embrace the ideal that our justice system works to the benefit of the law abiding citizen. I want to believe that good people are protected and empowered and bad people are discriminated and punished. Yadda yadda yadda... complete and total bullshit. I own a home in Virginia Beach, VA. It's not a mansion. It's not right on the beach with a white sand backyard and crashing waves. It's a modest, contemporary house in a descent neighborhood. I lived there for about 4 years before moving to Houston. I have a little equity in the place and was unsure about selling it, but I knew that I didn't want to float the mortgage for a house with no one in it, so I started looking for tenants. By happenstance, my realtor finds a guy that wants to buy it, but he can't meet what I am asking. I figure that after closing is said and done, I won't make much of anything on it anyway (it costs quite a bit to sell a house), so I lower my asking and he agrees. He can't come up with enough money to close on the house by the closing date, but really needs a roof over his head, so we draw up some paperwork to allow his to take possession (ie. move in) and just pay rent providing he closes by March 2002 (one year... kinda like a lease but you're gonna buy... or, if your Dani, "ya know, it's like steak... but bread"). Anyhoo, I have some troubles with him over the year with late payments and such, but he seems to be interested. We set up a new closing date and he never shows. He didn't have the money. March comes and I have had zero word about his intentions. His agent and/or him have NEVER contacted my agent and/or me regarding ANYTHING related to the house. I'm nervous. This guy is not a good risk. I decide that if he doesn't close in March, I am going to find another tenant. In February/March timeframe, my agent sent notice of my intentions. March 31 comes and goes... no word. I am no lawyer, but in my eyes, this is a breach of contract. The notice sent required that he be out within 10 days of April 1, 2002. Ok, so here's my bitch... he won't leave. Not only will he not leave, but he wants me to give him more time... after the two closing dates he couldn't make because he didn't have the money and the year extension I provided while allowing him to live in the home. To add insult to injury, he is suing me and his agency is suing my agency on grounds on performance saying that we are at fault for him not closing in time. He gave me some postdated checks for the rent, but my council says that if I use them, this can legally be construed as extending the contract, so I didn't... ie. I am paying the rent for him. Ok, so how fucked up is this: he didn't meet his contractual obligation due to some financial difficulties (I feel I have been more than generous in this matter), he won't leave the house because he feels it's my fault he is an irresponsible individual, I can't kick him out without a court order, he is suing me for his own fault trying to play a victim, I can't use his money because it's a trap to get me to appear like I'm agreeing to an extension, I am paying his rent (because I am responsible to the bank for the mortgage)... FUCK! The bottom line is, he's living there for free and there's not a damn thing I can do about it until the court sides with me and suing me in an attempt to play the legal system in his favor, trying to make me look like the bad guy. Meanwhile, I have to retain a litigation attorney and pay and exorbitant amount of money to defend myself when *I* am the one getting fucked over here. Unbelievable... let me step off my soapbox before I slip and twist an ankle and the manufacturer of the soap sues me for using their box to hurt myself.

"15 bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand." - Jay
Shit. I woke up this morning and my sinuses were feelin' whacky. I had that my-head-is-filled-with-water headache comin' on... so, I didn't ride in. That is so disappointing. I don’t have any known allergies and I am never affected by pollen count or mold, etc. (whatever they measure that crap in these days). It makes me wonder if that’s some kind of subconscious procrastination going on... the mind is a very powerful thing. It doesn’t make sense to me though because I was consciously looking forward to it. Pffft! Looking at the bright side, I hadn’t planned on packing my laptop, so this gives me time to work out that detail. Off to work! Ciao.

Forgotten Heroes
i watched them clumsily stumble
as if it had been practiced to perfection

where they were from,
what past they concealed,
all no consequence now . . .
only that they stumbled

aged & weary, yet strong
in a knowing kind of way

they had been the soldiers
in battles long forgotten,

how sad it must be
that they exist
only to amuse us
with their stumbling.

"Brodie, I've always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you told me to do a striptease to the theme of "Mighty Mouse," I did it. On prom night at the hotel when you told me to sleep under the covers in case your mother barged in, I did that too. And even during my grandmother's funeral when you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let that slide. But if you think I'm gonna suffer any of your shit with a smile now that we're broken up, you're in for some serious fucking disappointment!" - Mallrats (Renee)
Sean just left. I miss him being here already... we are so totally on the same page. I got a haircut today... the guy did an excellent job, but he cut a little more that I wanted. We watched Mallrats (again) this afternoon. Kevin Smith amazes me. Speaking of amazement... I am addicted to "The Osborn's". I laugh myself to tears every time I watch. It's a show about absolutely nothing... a real-life Seinfeld. So, tomorrow I start my new commute schedule to work. I hope it goes well.

Yesterday, after Thai Spice, Sean and I went to Dave and Buster's because Yvette had given me two $10 gift certificates and I had never been there. It was pretty cool. I'm not much of a computer gamer... I have always been more of a Q3/RA3 guy that a stand-up-and-put-money-in game player. There were some impressive games... my favorite out of those tried was this game called L.A. Machineguns. It's basically a collaborative effort between you and your partner (Sean) to mindlessly fly through the streets of L.A., Vegas, etc. and destroy the bad guys. You have unlimited ammunition and these neat little flying scooters. It was quite entertaining. The other thing notable about Dave and Buster's (besides the extensive video games) was the size. This place is huge. It had a billiard room, a full restaurant, a bar area, etc. You can drink and/or eat anywhere in the place (including the game rooms) and it's 21 and up at night, so alcohol consumption is encouraged. We played our free credits and left. When we arrived at Dave and Buster's, it was clear skies and sunny... when we left, it was pouring down rain... Texas weather strikes again! I strongly wanted to see this import film called The Piano Teacher, so we drove to River Oaks where I thought it might be showing, but it wasn't. Traffic in the rain sucked, so it took forever. When we stopped, I grabbed a Houston Press and found out it was playing the Greenway 3, but the showtimes didn't match our schedule for the day, so I was kinda disappointed. Maybe I'll go by myself this evening after Sean leaves. We stopped for some happy hour beers at the Outback steakhouse by my house and ran into Danielle. We stayed for a few beers before heading over to Dirk's for dinner. He is an excellent cook and spent 9 hours the day before preparing this bar-b-que brisket that was delicious. I don't eat bar-b-que very often, but when Dirk cooks, it's always something not to miss. We went to Baker's Street Pub in the village to see Harry and Eric's gig. That is a good venue for them... the acoustics are better there than the other places they play in town. It wasn't too crowded and Sean and I found a great table where we could see/hear well and still be able to talk. Harry's wife showed up to see him (she normally doesn't), so Harry sounded especially good. He'd probably deny it, but you could tell he was playing to her all night. I think that is so cool. Danielle stopped in for a drink a little while after we arrived. She, Sean, and I listened and talked through the sets and ended up going to Rucci's after they kicked us out of Baker's Street and closed the doors. I am still amazed at the 2:00 closing time here. In NY, it was 4:00... in Europe, you just party all night... drink 'til the sun comes up. Oh well, we probably stayed there until 5:30 this morning just talking and laughing. It was so great to spend time with Sean again after being apart for so many years. He is a brother to me. Anyhoo, we got home safe and sound before the sun came up. We both had an e-X-cellent time last night. I was tired and feeling no pain when I got home, so I really didn't feel like typing... sorry about the wordiness, but I think I'm still smiling for a great night out with friends. Sean and I are going to get some Bombay Palace buffet for lunch and hang out a bit here before he has to leave. Ciao.

Godzirra!
I think Sean and I are heading out for some Thai Spice. Yummy!

The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.
I never realized how many little birds lived in my back yard until this morning when every last one of them decided to chill out on the sliver of patio outside my bedroom window for a concert. Do you have any idea how loud the collective voices of 40 or 50 little birds can become when orchestrated with the sole purpose of keeping me from sleeping soundly? It's truly amazing the sliding glass door withstood the sonic waves emanating from this little band of demons. I didn't dream anything I can remember... which isn't saying I didn't dream. I just can't remember. I don't dream much these days. I am not sure if that is 100% accurate... maybe I should say that I don't remember dreaming much these days. Ok, I am confusing myself. I used to have this recurring dream about wolves. Everywhere I went, there were these wolves following me... watching me. They would always just be in the shadows or disclosed from view by some obstacle, but they were always there... not really to harm me... it was like they were watching me to protect me. Strange. Anyhoo, when I was a little boy, I thought they were after me in the dreams and I would try to get away from them... sometimes I would suddenly wake up all sweaty and freaked out because I had been running from these wolves and couldn't get away. They were obviously going to eat me. LOL. As the years went by and the dreams stayed, I embraced the fact that I was not getting rid of the wolves anytime soon. I don't know if it was that acceptance or my increasing maturity that revealed the benevolent nature of the watchers. Anyway, the once nightly, freaky dreams are now maybe only once or twice a year... it's just a dream right? When I was in junior high school, after a particularly eventful wolf dream, I went to the bathroom after waking up and noticed a mark on my neck shaped like a paw print. I had a sunburn from the beach the day before and the small white paw print could be easily seen against the redness of my neck. It looks exactly like a paw print. It's a birthmark that has probably been there all my life, but I never noticed it until that morning as it was accentuated by my sunburned skin. The combination of this freaky dream and finding a paw print on my neck just wigged me out a little bit. I swear I heard The Twilight Zone music softly in the background... hehe. "There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone." So yeah, I haven't had any dreams that I can remember in a while... not even the wolves dream. Too bad... I really feel like I could use some good dreams at night.

Isn't that a completely great feeling when you haven't seen a close friend in a while and you just stay up all night catching up on each others lives and talking about anything and everything? I wonder sometimes how the time slips away. Going to bed now... Hopefully I'll have some good dreams. It's been a while.

Sean is standing over my shoulder as we laugh our asses off at some funny-ha-ha web schtuff in between complaining about the cheesy Buffy season finale. I am so easily amused these days.

Ho-hum. Boredom. I am sitting here burning some mix CD's for Joe. Excellent music... makes me want to go out for a band tonight. Harry is playing tomorrow night at Baker’s Street in the village. So if you live anywhere close to H-Town, get your arse down there and tip him! Sean’s on his way in from Austin, so we’ll probably head out there for a while. My new mountain bike is absolutely amazing. I mean, I had bicycles when I was a kid, but nothing like this... too bad it doesn’t make coffee. Anyhoo, mix is done and I need to deliver. Ciao.